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A writer writes to eventually have their ramblings/stories/ideas read by more than themselves. After receiving numerous rejections for a story, and researching more, I realized that the line 'publishing is subjective' is a big fat lie.
Agents are looking for something - and they try to tell you what it is - but achieving that 'imagined perfection' is difficult, I'm guessing. In that way publishing is subjective - they're looking at the story wondering if can be sold to a publisher...
but that's really not what I was going to tell you.
In my research, there's a lot of time spent talking about developing your platform - earning an audience before you're published. I'm all for that unless it's annoying. I've someone on my facebook list who became annoying quickly with her platform building.
A blog is one thing that is talked about having...and apparently it's met with approval.
So I thought of this blog. I've thought of those of you who have stuck with me even through my times of silence... I'm not changing a thing. Except maybe the back ground. You know me, Easily distracted.
But one thing I need you to hold me accountable for...if I get too busy talking about writing - would you slap me?? Someone's complaint was that all writer's seem to write about -- writing on their blogs.
Which makes sense when you stop and think about it - you tend to write about what you're passionate about. but here in the Laundry Pile - there's so much to talk about - that it's often difficult to choose just one thing -- so I don't write.
I should stop that.
I just can't see a way to separate the parts of me - the parts of me are entwined here in the Laundry Pile. I can't see a way to separate them from each other. My characters show up when I'm gaming. when I'm working on school with the kids. God talks to me when I'm doing dishes - and inspires me when I'm going about my day. The kids ... well you see? It's all meshed together....
to make me.
So really --- all that rambling that's been pent up inside of me really means nothing is changing.
Not really.
I just needed to say it out loud.
Showing posts with label ramblings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ramblings. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Five minutes can be important
The Professor has been quietly looking for another place of employment for some time. It's a secret thing that only select family and select friends (and you) know about. We never put it out in public that he's seeking. We never put it on Facebook, either, so if you see me on Facebook remember: Mums the word about 'the search'.
In the house, it's another thing entirely.
Every so often, tears are shed over "a move".
We've had to explain to the kids, Mini-Me particularly (Who really doesn't like surprises like moves and changes of plans). We've been careful to say that we don't know what is going to happen. The process is what it is. We search. We ask some questions. That doesn't mean we're moving there.
Our process is two fold. The Professor finds a place that looks like it might be an interesting place to work. Boring is not an option for him anymore. We visit a salary calculator that converts his current salary/location to the possible location and shows us what he might need to earn. It's an equal thing. What he earns here - they show the equivalent for the potential location.
We've learned that there's no way he can earn a good living on either coast or Chicago. Just thought I should tell you.
Then we go to HSLDA to check how the homeschool rules affect the potential state. (they've recently changed this website and made it harder to see the states. I liked the color coded version they used to have. Red was harder legislation, Green was very light legislation (or none). Of course there was the middle ground. Oh, well. I'll have to learn how to use the new map - it's neither here or there. It's what we do. Those are the two things we check.
So then if those things are considered good in our eyes, we might go to the next level of applying for a job.
Needless to say, calling out, "How about Kansas?" or "What about Wyoming?" leads for some interesting conversations around the house.
The kids, being the smart buggers that they are, figured out pretty quickly that 'a move' might occur. Each have taken that knowledge in their own ways. Mostly, they've gotten used to it all by now. We've been at this a while.
Still... despite the fact that it's a possible occurrence, every so often one of the kids talks about it 'the move'. Brings it up randomly, in fact.
One day, J-man told me, in one of those random moments, "Mom, if we move, I'm really going to miss the box man."
The box man is our UPS delivery guy. He delivers mostly at Christmas, Birthdays and school year beginnings. So I guess we do see him a lot. Especially if we include the random things I randomly order over the internet.
He's got a dry sort of humor and he makes me laugh. He always has a funny thing to say to the kids. A dog biscuit for the dog. And we make him laugh and we give him food sometimes.
That J-man would miss him amused me but I knew it was something I had to share with our box man. I told him just this week. He was floored that he would be among the people in this list of 'missable people'.
I realized at that moment, how important five, reoccurring minutes can be.
Five minutes over a long stretch of time can be ... life changing.
I don't want to waste them.
I don't want to miss them.
They might be more important than first realized.
In the house, it's another thing entirely.
Every so often, tears are shed over "a move".
We've had to explain to the kids, Mini-Me particularly (Who really doesn't like surprises like moves and changes of plans). We've been careful to say that we don't know what is going to happen. The process is what it is. We search. We ask some questions. That doesn't mean we're moving there.
Our process is two fold. The Professor finds a place that looks like it might be an interesting place to work. Boring is not an option for him anymore. We visit a salary calculator that converts his current salary/location to the possible location and shows us what he might need to earn. It's an equal thing. What he earns here - they show the equivalent for the potential location.
We've learned that there's no way he can earn a good living on either coast or Chicago. Just thought I should tell you.
Then we go to HSLDA to check how the homeschool rules affect the potential state. (they've recently changed this website and made it harder to see the states. I liked the color coded version they used to have. Red was harder legislation, Green was very light legislation (or none). Of course there was the middle ground. Oh, well. I'll have to learn how to use the new map - it's neither here or there. It's what we do. Those are the two things we check.
So then if those things are considered good in our eyes, we might go to the next level of applying for a job.
Needless to say, calling out, "How about Kansas?" or "What about Wyoming?" leads for some interesting conversations around the house.
The kids, being the smart buggers that they are, figured out pretty quickly that 'a move' might occur. Each have taken that knowledge in their own ways. Mostly, they've gotten used to it all by now. We've been at this a while.
Still... despite the fact that it's a possible occurrence, every so often one of the kids talks about it 'the move'. Brings it up randomly, in fact.
One day, J-man told me, in one of those random moments, "Mom, if we move, I'm really going to miss the box man."
The box man is our UPS delivery guy. He delivers mostly at Christmas, Birthdays and school year beginnings. So I guess we do see him a lot. Especially if we include the random things I randomly order over the internet.
He's got a dry sort of humor and he makes me laugh. He always has a funny thing to say to the kids. A dog biscuit for the dog. And we make him laugh and we give him food sometimes.
That J-man would miss him amused me but I knew it was something I had to share with our box man. I told him just this week. He was floored that he would be among the people in this list of 'missable people'.
I realized at that moment, how important five, reoccurring minutes can be.
Five minutes over a long stretch of time can be ... life changing.
I don't want to waste them.
I don't want to miss them.
They might be more important than first realized.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Don't Discount Hope...
The importance of hope came home to me once again. I mentioned here, at the end of the post, this:
I can't say as how 2011 has been any better - BUT - I have this statement.
I still believe in God.
The husband is in a weird situation at work. Imagine if you will, one hamster cage. Inside the hamster cage are little hamster homes. Each home holds a group within the company.
They do not work together, yet they are of the same company.
Trust me when I say the similarities between this company and most churches (and even the body of Christ as a whole) are striking.
The Professor belonged in one group for years. I'm trying to condense here for the sake of the story -- and it's difficult. There's sooo much.
We'll go with this: ... suddenly he was no longer in a group. He was given junior engineer work but he's a senior. He has years of experience and knowledge - yet suddenly he was faced with having everything he did questioned by those of lesser years and lesser experience.
In July, he was given the task of going to a local air plane ... place. Where they galvanize the parts. The task was to measure and inspect the building's support beams for structural integrity. My husband, the father of my children, was given a junior engineer's job. Without support. Without help. Without regard to his safety.
He worked over vats of acid. Under them. He had to have a spotter in several places in the building. They told him that if you feel a burning, don't wonder about it - just run for the showers.
The foreman offered the wisdom that he might want to buy coveralls, take a shower and change clothes before he left. Oh, don't wash these clothes with your household clothes.
Then the fun part began. He worked at night.
Misery must have loved company because a couple of us got sick with head colds during that time.
One interesting thing that happened was a contact from a recruiter. Someone who carefully spoke to the professor, knowing that my professor was employed.
Professor was impressed with how the head hunter handled himself and the situation. He was impressed with the opportunity that was suddenly presented to him. It was a place that appeared to be built for him.
He told me, with vats of acid in his future, "I have hope."
This was huge for us. The professor has been looking for another place of employment for sometime now. The market in his field is ... well ... there's not many looking for his particular skillset. And he's got skills.
And if he does find someone who does want his skills - they don't want to pay him. Which actually equals to the same thing.
I was struck by how important it was. Hope at that very dark moment.
As we've progressed through this - we've progressed and then stalled out.
Then progressed a little bit and .....
it's like playing red light- green light. In real life. For Life.
But there's hope.
We can't discount hope. Hope is what keeps us moving forward.
Hope is what keeps my husband going to work where it's obvious he's unwanted and unappreciated.
Hope keeps me knowing that while things around me are not right.... they won't always stay that way.
Hope.
I'm a fan.
2010 will not be my favorite year. I don't care what memories we might have - it has been a very, very hard year.
God seemed so distant then and He probably was - it was training time, a pruning time, a hard time -- But sitting here NOW, as I blog as I ponder, I can point to it and say "THERE was God." And "There."
Because it still comes down to one simple fact...
I still Believe in God.
God seemed so distant then and He probably was - it was training time, a pruning time, a hard time -- But sitting here NOW, as I blog as I ponder, I can point to it and say "THERE was God." And "There."
Because it still comes down to one simple fact...
I still Believe in God.
I can't say as how 2011 has been any better - BUT - I have this statement.
I still believe in God.
The husband is in a weird situation at work. Imagine if you will, one hamster cage. Inside the hamster cage are little hamster homes. Each home holds a group within the company.
They do not work together, yet they are of the same company.
Trust me when I say the similarities between this company and most churches (and even the body of Christ as a whole) are striking.
The Professor belonged in one group for years. I'm trying to condense here for the sake of the story -- and it's difficult. There's sooo much.
We'll go with this: ... suddenly he was no longer in a group. He was given junior engineer work but he's a senior. He has years of experience and knowledge - yet suddenly he was faced with having everything he did questioned by those of lesser years and lesser experience.
In July, he was given the task of going to a local air plane ... place. Where they galvanize the parts. The task was to measure and inspect the building's support beams for structural integrity. My husband, the father of my children, was given a junior engineer's job. Without support. Without help. Without regard to his safety.
He worked over vats of acid. Under them. He had to have a spotter in several places in the building. They told him that if you feel a burning, don't wonder about it - just run for the showers.
The foreman offered the wisdom that he might want to buy coveralls, take a shower and change clothes before he left. Oh, don't wash these clothes with your household clothes.
Then the fun part began. He worked at night.
Misery must have loved company because a couple of us got sick with head colds during that time.
One interesting thing that happened was a contact from a recruiter. Someone who carefully spoke to the professor, knowing that my professor was employed.
Professor was impressed with how the head hunter handled himself and the situation. He was impressed with the opportunity that was suddenly presented to him. It was a place that appeared to be built for him.
He told me, with vats of acid in his future, "I have hope."
This was huge for us. The professor has been looking for another place of employment for sometime now. The market in his field is ... well ... there's not many looking for his particular skillset. And he's got skills.
And if he does find someone who does want his skills - they don't want to pay him. Which actually equals to the same thing.
I was struck by how important it was. Hope at that very dark moment.
As we've progressed through this - we've progressed and then stalled out.
Then progressed a little bit and .....
it's like playing red light- green light. In real life. For Life.
But there's hope.
We can't discount hope. Hope is what keeps us moving forward.
Hope is what keeps my husband going to work where it's obvious he's unwanted and unappreciated.
Hope keeps me knowing that while things around me are not right.... they won't always stay that way.
Hope.
I'm a fan.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
July? Excuse me?
But ... isn't it just June 2nd? or 3rd?
No?
I see it's not. The little calendar on the bottom corner of my computer screen mocks me with the date if I happen to put my mouse pointer over it. The month of June is soon to fade away and I'm not entirely certain I have much to show for it. I certainly had planned to get more accomplished. Isn't that always the way, though?
I've read scads of books. To myself and to the kids.
I've sent scads of query letters - in turn I've received scads of form rejections. Which means I'm needing my "I don't suck" file.
I've watched the kids splash in our soft sided pool. I got my first sunburn. I thought, "I won't need sunscreen. I won't be out there very long." I was wrong. Luckily, it wasn't bad. It just stung a bit.
We've watched "Wild Kratts" and we've been amused.
I had a birthday. I really need to work on that list on the sidebar. Here's part of what I received....
My brother, Uncle Kick-butt, maintains that rock music tends to be about three things: Drugs, Sex and Money. I would offer that occasionally there's friendship and love lost. If there wasn't love lost we wouldn't have country music or the blues. That said, Bruno Mars (The yellow disc in the picture) really likes to sing about sex. I mean ... REALLY. Like I can't let the kids listen to the CD because they'd UNDERSTAND what he was talking about. Most songs, when talking about sex generally use innuendo. Not Mr. Mars.
The Professor and I once attended a stage show at our local Ren Faire. The couple made a statement that we laughed over. We laughed because there was such wisdom in the statement and because it amused us. "If your children get the innuendo - it's NOT OUR FAULT." Mr. Mars....doesn't hide his innuendo well.
snicker.
June saw G-man's 11th birthday.
I got all sorts of music- he got Legos. The dude likes his legos.
June will wrap up with The Professor's 42 birthday. It's an important number around here. He wants to go out to eat with the family and then head to the movies. With all of us. We don't do that since last time. Did I tell you about the time Mini-E stuffed her mouth so full of popcorn she nearly hurled in the theater? After was not fun because she didn't want to obey. I decreed that she wasn't going back to a theater until she was 6.
J-man responded, "That's harsh."
The professor is allowed to change the rules. It's his birthday.
June is hurrying by. I'm not going to hang onto the coat tails - but I'm going to try to enjoy the time we've got left in the month.
No?
I see it's not. The little calendar on the bottom corner of my computer screen mocks me with the date if I happen to put my mouse pointer over it. The month of June is soon to fade away and I'm not entirely certain I have much to show for it. I certainly had planned to get more accomplished. Isn't that always the way, though?
I've read scads of books. To myself and to the kids.
I've sent scads of query letters - in turn I've received scads of form rejections. Which means I'm needing my "I don't suck" file.
I've watched the kids splash in our soft sided pool. I got my first sunburn. I thought, "I won't need sunscreen. I won't be out there very long." I was wrong. Luckily, it wasn't bad. It just stung a bit.
We've watched "Wild Kratts" and we've been amused.
I had a birthday. I really need to work on that list on the sidebar. Here's part of what I received....
 |
| Birthday Bounty from my mother-in-law |
The Professor and I once attended a stage show at our local Ren Faire. The couple made a statement that we laughed over. We laughed because there was such wisdom in the statement and because it amused us. "If your children get the innuendo - it's NOT OUR FAULT." Mr. Mars....doesn't hide his innuendo well.
snicker.
June saw G-man's 11th birthday.
I got all sorts of music- he got Legos. The dude likes his legos.
June will wrap up with The Professor's 42 birthday. It's an important number around here. He wants to go out to eat with the family and then head to the movies. With all of us. We don't do that since last time. Did I tell you about the time Mini-E stuffed her mouth so full of popcorn she nearly hurled in the theater? After was not fun because she didn't want to obey. I decreed that she wasn't going back to a theater until she was 6.
J-man responded, "That's harsh."
The professor is allowed to change the rules. It's his birthday.
June is hurrying by. I'm not going to hang onto the coat tails - but I'm going to try to enjoy the time we've got left in the month.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
A pointless post ...
I have been finding myself with weird sleep patterns. I blame it equally on a sinus infection, the resulting medications and the changes in the weather. (When the night warms up and my normal nesting habits create sweltering hot flashes.)
Lately, I find myself waking up in the night. The clock, normally by the bedside, would be checked for time. If it's morning, I'd get up. If it's early enough, I'll try to eek out just a little bit more sleep. It's amazing how quickly time flies when you're TRYING to sleep.
I have, in case you wanted to know, moved the clock to the floor so I can't see it anymore. Really, I got tired of the glow of the LED.
I've noticed a strange pattern to my dreaming as well.
Because of the weird sleep pattern, I'm having dream vignettes. Instead of a long drawn out dream, I'll dream in patches. Like the time I dreamed the professor callled me from work and I couldn't wake up to answer it. He didn't call. It really was a dream. I checked.
There was the dream where The Professor was working and hit his finger? Thumb? with a hammer. The nail turned purple. I know this was a prophetic dream....the injuries he's sustained while working are minor. (I just figured that out.) (It's not been a happy place for him, this work)
Then there are the imaginations. Semi-Story plots that become part of the dream, waking me up or ending when I wake up. They're not important, either. They're just there in the sleeping snatches of night and most often discarded in the morning.
I've had GOOD stuff come to me in the middle of the night. I once had a shape-shifter keep me up until the wee hours of the morning. She ended up being the main character of my NaNo novel back in November. And then there are the plot points of other stories - even Meg & DJ kept me up more than once.
So I'm trying to decide what to do with it. If anything?
Probably not. Life around here is often full of short snatches of 'stuff'. Yesterday, the kids played in a bucket of water. They played long enough to fight and get wet.
We had a spurt of laundry activity afterward.
I worked on editing a story I hope to get published.
The professor found a game.
I ordered new music from Amazon.
The kids played.
I have been reading "On Writing" by Stephen King. He made me laugh with his memories. Memories he'd written in vignettes. He made me realize that I'm doing something right with my writing. I may never qualify myself as a fan - but I can appreciate him and his talent. I can't blame him for my vignette dreams, though. I've only been reading his book for two days. I've had a sinus infection for over a week.
As I write this I'm realizing, now, that snatches of sleep and vignette dreams probably shouldn't be considered weird for me.Considering how my days progress....
Except for one single thing. One very important fact.
I tend to like my sleep.
Lately, I find myself waking up in the night. The clock, normally by the bedside, would be checked for time. If it's morning, I'd get up. If it's early enough, I'll try to eek out just a little bit more sleep. It's amazing how quickly time flies when you're TRYING to sleep.
I have, in case you wanted to know, moved the clock to the floor so I can't see it anymore. Really, I got tired of the glow of the LED.
I've noticed a strange pattern to my dreaming as well.
Because of the weird sleep pattern, I'm having dream vignettes. Instead of a long drawn out dream, I'll dream in patches. Like the time I dreamed the professor callled me from work and I couldn't wake up to answer it. He didn't call. It really was a dream. I checked.
There was the dream where The Professor was working and hit his finger? Thumb? with a hammer. The nail turned purple. I know this was a prophetic dream....the injuries he's sustained while working are minor. (I just figured that out.) (It's not been a happy place for him, this work)
Then there are the imaginations. Semi-Story plots that become part of the dream, waking me up or ending when I wake up. They're not important, either. They're just there in the sleeping snatches of night and most often discarded in the morning.
I've had GOOD stuff come to me in the middle of the night. I once had a shape-shifter keep me up until the wee hours of the morning. She ended up being the main character of my NaNo novel back in November. And then there are the plot points of other stories - even Meg & DJ kept me up more than once.
So I'm trying to decide what to do with it. If anything?
Probably not. Life around here is often full of short snatches of 'stuff'. Yesterday, the kids played in a bucket of water. They played long enough to fight and get wet.
We had a spurt of laundry activity afterward.
I worked on editing a story I hope to get published.
The professor found a game.
I ordered new music from Amazon.
The kids played.
I have been reading "On Writing" by Stephen King. He made me laugh with his memories. Memories he'd written in vignettes. He made me realize that I'm doing something right with my writing. I may never qualify myself as a fan - but I can appreciate him and his talent. I can't blame him for my vignette dreams, though. I've only been reading his book for two days. I've had a sinus infection for over a week.
As I write this I'm realizing, now, that snatches of sleep and vignette dreams probably shouldn't be considered weird for me.Considering how my days progress....
Except for one single thing. One very important fact.
I tend to like my sleep.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Atmospheric Pressure...
I grew up in this state. I've only known a tornado to hit close enough to my home to scare me. I was young ... but not too young to appreciate sitting with my head in my mom's lap to watch "Simon & Simon" while Dad stood at the glass door looking out.
It's an Oklahoma thing. ... Watching tornadoes.
The tornado hit just a short distance from our town.
Really, we all know that tornadoes happen. It's just the way of it around here. We live in an area called Tornado Alley, by example. We take precautions...but somewhere deep down inside, We just never think that it's going to actually happen, That a tornado is actually going to materialize.
Sunday night, The Professer was called up for deployment to Joplin as part of a search and rescue operation. Don't look - most of the press went to the search dogs. They were the stars of the show. He was gone from Sunday night until Tuesday evening.
I didn't go to church Sunday night because I didn't feel good. (Come to find out, I had a sinus infection). He called and asked me to load up his car.
I did. He came home, dropped off the kids, kissed me goodbye, and booked it to the deployment site.
Joplin. The pictures are amazing. The professor described the scene to me after he came home. But really? The news coverage was enough to make your heart stop. I watched the news, looking for signs of him as his team walked over the rubble looking to make rescues.
The one thing The Professor said was that the people of Joplin were amazingly generous. Amazingly hospitable. (Unlike New Orleans where teams were cussed and shot at. )
While he was in Joplin, we prayed for him. We prayed for Joplin. I still didn't feel good.
The weathermen here kept telling us that Tuesday would be our turn. A dry line was going to push through. Storms would build and could possibly bring long track tornadoes. Goody. Just what you want to hear. NOT.
Tuesday came and my mom stayed with the kids so I could go to the doctor and the pharmacy. Yay for doctors and pharmacies!!! Not to mention Sonic's drive-thru with diet coke. Mom goes home and we both agree that we'll watch the weather.
She lives in a mobile home and I live in the middle of nowhere. Tornadoes don't like either of those. After looking at the Joplin destruction, it's apparent a direct hit from a tornado does not do good things to a house.
Whether it was because I didn't feel good - whether it was my emotional side NOT being balanced by the Professor's reality checks -- I felt the atmosphere.
I felt the tension.
I didn't like it.
I had to be the only strong, staid person in the house.
I didn't feel good.
HOWEVER - I knew I had a choice.
You see? I have a son who tends to over react. He knows what a tornado is...he's only 7 and he's had to spend some time in the bathroom. Even if I didn't feel good - I had to take care of them.
I had to take care of me.
The way you silence fear is to give attention to faith. - Bill Johnson.
Every time I would start to get tense or anxious - I spoke to my atmosphere.
From Psalm 91.. "No disaster shall befall our tent.."
Then I started thinking - well, but what if half the house were gone?
I can't afford to lose school books.
NO disaster shall befall our tent.
I have stories and unfinished manuscripts.
NO Disaster shall befall our tent.
It became my conversation of the day. Because I had to counter any tension and fear with Faith - otherwise I would become fearful. Or Fear-filled, instead of faith-filled. It's just a fact.
We made plans. The one the Professor can attest to, after walking in Joplin, Interior rooms and bathrooms, really DO stand up better than other parts of the house during a tornado. Our hidey hole is the bathroom.
Tornadoes did start coming our way. From the west...and I was glued to the TV (and my book) and the kids watched phineas and Ferb on the internet. I had my backpack filled with my laptop, a manuscript I need to pick up the redmarks on, my passport, my kindle and a charger. The kids had games.
Just as I was thinking things over, The Professor walked in and said, "Everyone in the bathroom."
He'd seen a lowering cloud just to our East.
The news had mentioned nothing about it. Of course, the lovely digital TV thing we have going sans cable is a pain. We lost the signal. I lost Cell strength - and we were stuck in our bathroom while they told us about everything else going on around us.
It was frustrating not knowing. It was frustrating having cranky, slightly frightened kids. The professor ate his lunch and I made breaks from the bath to check the screens and the internet.
When the sirens went off again, sounding the all clear, we were already out of the bathroom and checking the radars on-line. It was weird how we were ignored by the storm trackers.
But maybe it was atmospheric.
I do have that authority.
Even if I don't feel good.
Still...I look at the pictures of the damage done and think...would it have been better to have a safe room?? Or would I have put my faith in that?
It's a question I'll be asking for awhile, I think.
It's an Oklahoma thing. ... Watching tornadoes.
The tornado hit just a short distance from our town.
Really, we all know that tornadoes happen. It's just the way of it around here. We live in an area called Tornado Alley, by example. We take precautions...but somewhere deep down inside, We just never think that it's going to actually happen, That a tornado is actually going to materialize.
Sunday night, The Professer was called up for deployment to Joplin as part of a search and rescue operation. Don't look - most of the press went to the search dogs. They were the stars of the show. He was gone from Sunday night until Tuesday evening.
I didn't go to church Sunday night because I didn't feel good. (Come to find out, I had a sinus infection). He called and asked me to load up his car.
I did. He came home, dropped off the kids, kissed me goodbye, and booked it to the deployment site.
Joplin. The pictures are amazing. The professor described the scene to me after he came home. But really? The news coverage was enough to make your heart stop. I watched the news, looking for signs of him as his team walked over the rubble looking to make rescues.
The one thing The Professor said was that the people of Joplin were amazingly generous. Amazingly hospitable. (Unlike New Orleans where teams were cussed and shot at. )
While he was in Joplin, we prayed for him. We prayed for Joplin. I still didn't feel good.
The weathermen here kept telling us that Tuesday would be our turn. A dry line was going to push through. Storms would build and could possibly bring long track tornadoes. Goody. Just what you want to hear. NOT.
Tuesday came and my mom stayed with the kids so I could go to the doctor and the pharmacy. Yay for doctors and pharmacies!!! Not to mention Sonic's drive-thru with diet coke. Mom goes home and we both agree that we'll watch the weather.
She lives in a mobile home and I live in the middle of nowhere. Tornadoes don't like either of those. After looking at the Joplin destruction, it's apparent a direct hit from a tornado does not do good things to a house.
Whether it was because I didn't feel good - whether it was my emotional side NOT being balanced by the Professor's reality checks -- I felt the atmosphere.
I felt the tension.
I didn't like it.
I had to be the only strong, staid person in the house.
I didn't feel good.
HOWEVER - I knew I had a choice.
You see? I have a son who tends to over react. He knows what a tornado is...he's only 7 and he's had to spend some time in the bathroom. Even if I didn't feel good - I had to take care of them.
I had to take care of me.
Every time I would start to get tense or anxious - I spoke to my atmosphere.
From Psalm 91.. "No disaster shall befall our tent.."
Then I started thinking - well, but what if half the house were gone?
I can't afford to lose school books.
NO disaster shall befall our tent.
I have stories and unfinished manuscripts.
NO Disaster shall befall our tent.
It became my conversation of the day. Because I had to counter any tension and fear with Faith - otherwise I would become fearful. Or Fear-filled, instead of faith-filled. It's just a fact.
We made plans. The one the Professor can attest to, after walking in Joplin, Interior rooms and bathrooms, really DO stand up better than other parts of the house during a tornado. Our hidey hole is the bathroom.
Tornadoes did start coming our way. From the west...and I was glued to the TV (and my book) and the kids watched phineas and Ferb on the internet. I had my backpack filled with my laptop, a manuscript I need to pick up the redmarks on, my passport, my kindle and a charger. The kids had games.
Just as I was thinking things over, The Professor walked in and said, "Everyone in the bathroom."
He'd seen a lowering cloud just to our East.
The news had mentioned nothing about it. Of course, the lovely digital TV thing we have going sans cable is a pain. We lost the signal. I lost Cell strength - and we were stuck in our bathroom while they told us about everything else going on around us.
It was frustrating not knowing. It was frustrating having cranky, slightly frightened kids. The professor ate his lunch and I made breaks from the bath to check the screens and the internet.
When the sirens went off again, sounding the all clear, we were already out of the bathroom and checking the radars on-line. It was weird how we were ignored by the storm trackers.
But maybe it was atmospheric.
I do have that authority.
Even if I don't feel good.
Still...I look at the pictures of the damage done and think...would it have been better to have a safe room?? Or would I have put my faith in that?
It's a question I'll be asking for awhile, I think.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Time marches on...
MARCHES???
Sometimes it down right runs me over!!!
J-man is about to lose two front teeth. The top two. He won't wiggle them because they poke his gums. He won't let me try to pull them either. So I'm trying to make a game of it. I don't know who's going to be more surprised when I finally snag that tooth from his head, me or him.
I realized, as I've realized several times, that this is the VERY last year I will need K4 curriculum. Of any sort. Part of me is glad because We've used it since G-man was in K4. (6 years ago!) I'm not really sad that my baby is going to be5.
FIVE!!!!
Nope. I'm just ... struck by how time seems to fluctuate. Maybe I need a new capacitor like from the move - "Back to the Future". I've had the K4 books for 6 years. Part of me thinks it's weird to get rid of them. And then the other part of me thinks... we're going to need more room on the shelves. Ditch the books!!
Really, I think my hiccup of thought comes from the fact that I never thought the day would come. And yet - come the next school year, these books will be sent to the recycling center.
Back at Passover -- and the months that followed - time seemed to plod slowly, achingly forward. Each day was a challenge. Each thing was an up-hill battle. Then SUDDENLY that was over and I've been thrust forward.
Suddenly I find myself in December.
I think I'm a bit dizzy.
Sometimes it down right runs me over!!!
J-man is about to lose two front teeth. The top two. He won't wiggle them because they poke his gums. He won't let me try to pull them either. So I'm trying to make a game of it. I don't know who's going to be more surprised when I finally snag that tooth from his head, me or him.
I realized, as I've realized several times, that this is the VERY last year I will need K4 curriculum. Of any sort. Part of me is glad because We've used it since G-man was in K4. (6 years ago!) I'm not really sad that my baby is going to be5.
FIVE!!!!
Nope. I'm just ... struck by how time seems to fluctuate. Maybe I need a new capacitor like from the move - "Back to the Future". I've had the K4 books for 6 years. Part of me thinks it's weird to get rid of them. And then the other part of me thinks... we're going to need more room on the shelves. Ditch the books!!
Really, I think my hiccup of thought comes from the fact that I never thought the day would come. And yet - come the next school year, these books will be sent to the recycling center.
Back at Passover -- and the months that followed - time seemed to plod slowly, achingly forward. Each day was a challenge. Each thing was an up-hill battle. Then SUDDENLY that was over and I've been thrust forward.
Suddenly I find myself in December.
I think I'm a bit dizzy.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Holidaze
I'm writing the following blog post as if I were writing it to ... well, you.
This is how an e-mail from me might look should you ever get one that is this lengthy.
For the record?
I pretty much talk like this in real life. (WYSiWYG)
Hey! How are you? It's been a while - it's been a crazy couple of weeks. I've missed you and have been thinking about you...which is one reason I'm finally sitting down to write. I didn't want you to think I was avoiding you. Or had forgotten about you.
You're rather impossible to forget. ^_^
I'm sorry we couldn't get together before the holidays. Mini-E was not feeling well and then the rest of us fell like dominoes. The weekend before Thanksgiving I did not much more than sleep and sniffle. I got to the Doctor to see if I had bronchitis.
I did.
Then I got worse instead of better but that's the way it often goes with me and bronchitis. At least I caught it before I got really bad. My white count was 11k. When I asked him, jokingly, "is that good"
The doc laughed and said, "Well, if you're bacteria."
After making QUITE certain I wasn't pregnant (I didn't have to write out an oath, but it was close) he put me on Levaquin and sent me on my way. Blech..
The Professor went to the store Saturday. He's nice like that.
I felt fine on Sunday. We went to church. Monday passed without incident - mostly because we didn't do a whole lot. I still wasn't feeling the snazziest and it was a holiday weekend. Tuesday.
Ah. Tuesday.
Mini-E (Bubbles) went out to the garage and came back. "Mama! I'm playing in the water!!!"
"That's nice." I said, thinking of what needed to happen next.
Wait.
We only get water near the garage door when it rains. It hasn't rained. So there should be NO water in the garage. I head out to investigate to make certain that she hasn't done anything silly. Or obnoxious.
Nope. Sure enough. There's water trailing from the utility closet that holds the furnace and the hot water tank. Sigh.
I open it up and we've got a slow drip coming from the tank to the stand to the floor and it's apparently been there since...perhaps sunday??. Dripping. And collecting water.. Enough that it has created a rivulet of water through the garage. It's puddled under the Professor's wood pile. Praise God his really cool purple wood was off the floor.
UGH.
I called the Professor...my knowledge of water tanks would probably fill a cup. A small one. I was feeling the need for back up.
He told me he would do what he could and I start cleaning up water. Mini-E manages to slip and fall in the puddle near the garage door. Ice is administered and I start cleaning up water. Shooing children from the garage. Clean the water first and pick up stuff later. That was what I was thinking.
As I cleaned up water, I discovered that the insulation is dripping wet. Which explains why there was no flood. The insulation is saturated indicating a tank rupture. The Professor does come home and also discovers that we've got a turn off valve leak.
Sigh.
So.
We call around. L*we's can come NEXT week. A local plumber can come Wednesday.
YAY. PLEASE come.
Meanwhile, Did I tell you that our main computer blue screened and I could not save it?
So, thinking our hard drive had crashed we took the system to a local repair place.
I called them Monday.
"Oh, yeah. They wanted to talk to you. Do you want us to save any information?"
Only read that REALLY fast. All one word.
"ummm. yeah. Please."
okay. Click. They're gone and I'm left wondering what just happened.
I SHOULD have called back but ... didn't. I'll blame the kids. I think it was their fault. It often is.
They called on Tuesday to tell me I could pick up my computer.
The plumber comes on Wednesday. He's in an interesting mood.
The office was closed for Thanksgiving but the people answering the phones keep scheduling appointments. So if they didn't get all the jobs finished on Wednesday "I'll have to work on Friday and there will be a whole bunch of people made at me - the biggest one will be my wife!"
I don't know if he got Friday off but he finished our water tank and left us at noon. I round the children together to go get the computer - promising them food from the drive-thru.
We get to the computer place and found that apparently we had some viruses....and our video card is bad.
The video card is taped to the top of the computer case.
"Um." says I, not feeling very assertive in the midst of this tornado of a fast talking woman. Her eyelashes were silver. Very distracting. "I need a video card in my computer. Do you have one I can buy to put in?"
"Oh, sure." She finds one - and then sends it back for them to install while I wait. "It won't take long." I plant myself by the door because the kids are in the van eating lunch. Thirty minutes later.
I have a computer and three kids who need a potty.
If they had called me to TELL me that I had a bad card, I'd have TOLD Them to put in another one and I'd just pay for it when I picked it up.
I was a little disgruntled with them. With the whole day.
That night - we had AWANA. I'm secretary for J-man's group. I'd missed last week because I was sick. I needed to be there tonight. I was glad that I was. ... but it made for a very long -- force the smile kind of day.
Thanksgiving came and went. We had fun. We had turkey.
I think I'm going to collaborate with a friend of my brother's to write a comic book. (Probably more l ike a graphic novel) and ..
Friday we went to see the movie "Tangled". I loved it.
I really, really loved it.
Thinking I was done with shopping, we ended up at the local hobby store to search ideas for my mother who wants me to paint her something for Christmas. (We drew names and set the limit to $30). I found wrapping paper for half off. ^_^
G-man wasn't feeling well on Sunday and he wasn't feeling the best today either. I could just tell. He and I stayed home from Church.
Today I got boxes mailed to family. I stuffed christmas cards into their envelopes...and they looked bare. We had all the kids sign the cards to help make them Special ... but I usually send a picture. Or a note.
I had neither this year.
It didn't sound like a very cheery idea to write, "2010 sucked, we can't wait for 2011".
Maybe I'll catch up on the pictures in 2011. ^_^
Maybe.
So that was our holiday.
How was yours?
Missing you,
Comfy
This is how an e-mail from me might look should you ever get one that is this lengthy.
For the record?
I pretty much talk like this in real life. (WYSiWYG)
Hey! How are you? It's been a while - it's been a crazy couple of weeks. I've missed you and have been thinking about you...which is one reason I'm finally sitting down to write. I didn't want you to think I was avoiding you. Or had forgotten about you.
You're rather impossible to forget. ^_^
I'm sorry we couldn't get together before the holidays. Mini-E was not feeling well and then the rest of us fell like dominoes. The weekend before Thanksgiving I did not much more than sleep and sniffle. I got to the Doctor to see if I had bronchitis.
I did.
Then I got worse instead of better but that's the way it often goes with me and bronchitis. At least I caught it before I got really bad. My white count was 11k. When I asked him, jokingly, "is that good"
The doc laughed and said, "Well, if you're bacteria."
After making QUITE certain I wasn't pregnant (I didn't have to write out an oath, but it was close) he put me on Levaquin and sent me on my way. Blech..
The Professor went to the store Saturday. He's nice like that.
I felt fine on Sunday. We went to church. Monday passed without incident - mostly because we didn't do a whole lot. I still wasn't feeling the snazziest and it was a holiday weekend. Tuesday.
Ah. Tuesday.
Mini-E (Bubbles) went out to the garage and came back. "Mama! I'm playing in the water!!!"
"That's nice." I said, thinking of what needed to happen next.
Wait.
We only get water near the garage door when it rains. It hasn't rained. So there should be NO water in the garage. I head out to investigate to make certain that she hasn't done anything silly. Or obnoxious.
Nope. Sure enough. There's water trailing from the utility closet that holds the furnace and the hot water tank. Sigh.
I open it up and we've got a slow drip coming from the tank to the stand to the floor and it's apparently been there since...perhaps sunday??. Dripping. And collecting water.. Enough that it has created a rivulet of water through the garage. It's puddled under the Professor's wood pile. Praise God his really cool purple wood was off the floor.
UGH.
I called the Professor...my knowledge of water tanks would probably fill a cup. A small one. I was feeling the need for back up.
He told me he would do what he could and I start cleaning up water. Mini-E manages to slip and fall in the puddle near the garage door. Ice is administered and I start cleaning up water. Shooing children from the garage. Clean the water first and pick up stuff later. That was what I was thinking.
As I cleaned up water, I discovered that the insulation is dripping wet. Which explains why there was no flood. The insulation is saturated indicating a tank rupture. The Professor does come home and also discovers that we've got a turn off valve leak.
Sigh.
So.
We call around. L*we's can come NEXT week. A local plumber can come Wednesday.
YAY. PLEASE come.
Meanwhile, Did I tell you that our main computer blue screened and I could not save it?
So, thinking our hard drive had crashed we took the system to a local repair place.
I called them Monday.
"Oh, yeah. They wanted to talk to you. Do you want us to save any information?"
Only read that REALLY fast. All one word.
"ummm. yeah. Please."
okay. Click. They're gone and I'm left wondering what just happened.
I SHOULD have called back but ... didn't. I'll blame the kids. I think it was their fault. It often is.
They called on Tuesday to tell me I could pick up my computer.
The plumber comes on Wednesday. He's in an interesting mood.
The office was closed for Thanksgiving but the people answering the phones keep scheduling appointments. So if they didn't get all the jobs finished on Wednesday "I'll have to work on Friday and there will be a whole bunch of people made at me - the biggest one will be my wife!"
I don't know if he got Friday off but he finished our water tank and left us at noon. I round the children together to go get the computer - promising them food from the drive-thru.
We get to the computer place and found that apparently we had some viruses....and our video card is bad.
The video card is taped to the top of the computer case.
"Um." says I, not feeling very assertive in the midst of this tornado of a fast talking woman. Her eyelashes were silver. Very distracting. "I need a video card in my computer. Do you have one I can buy to put in?"
"Oh, sure." She finds one - and then sends it back for them to install while I wait. "It won't take long." I plant myself by the door because the kids are in the van eating lunch. Thirty minutes later.
I have a computer and three kids who need a potty.
If they had called me to TELL me that I had a bad card, I'd have TOLD Them to put in another one and I'd just pay for it when I picked it up.
I was a little disgruntled with them. With the whole day.
That night - we had AWANA. I'm secretary for J-man's group. I'd missed last week because I was sick. I needed to be there tonight. I was glad that I was. ... but it made for a very long -- force the smile kind of day.
Thanksgiving came and went. We had fun. We had turkey.
I think I'm going to collaborate with a friend of my brother's to write a comic book. (Probably more l ike a graphic novel) and ..
Friday we went to see the movie "Tangled". I loved it.
I really, really loved it.
Thinking I was done with shopping, we ended up at the local hobby store to search ideas for my mother who wants me to paint her something for Christmas. (We drew names and set the limit to $30). I found wrapping paper for half off. ^_^
G-man wasn't feeling well on Sunday and he wasn't feeling the best today either. I could just tell. He and I stayed home from Church.
Today I got boxes mailed to family. I stuffed christmas cards into their envelopes...and they looked bare. We had all the kids sign the cards to help make them Special ... but I usually send a picture. Or a note.
I had neither this year.
It didn't sound like a very cheery idea to write, "2010 sucked, we can't wait for 2011".
Maybe I'll catch up on the pictures in 2011. ^_^
Maybe.
So that was our holiday.
How was yours?
Missing you,
Comfy
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Outright Rambling...
I have Mozilla Firefox. I really do enjoy it. It locks up far less than the demon spawn that is Wind*ws unExpl*rer. (snicker)
Yes. I will tell you exactly how I feel.
Most of the time.
If you ask.
And sometimes if you don't.
On my Firefox, I have this handydandy 'add-on' called "Speed Dial". On my SpeedDial I have my Blogger blog. I also have Facebook, my Google Reader, Drudge Report (I like to scan the headlines), Photobucket, YouTube, Dictionary.com, NaNoWriMo, and Amazon.
What? You never know when you're going to need to look up a word when you're writing or shopping.
What's that?? Links?? Um. .. Only if you really need me to.
So I've been watching SpeedDial show my untended blog front and center every time I turn on the Firefox. So I thought to myself -
I'm a bad blogger friend. I've not been visiting blogs. For that I'm sorry. I"m also sorry that I might leave you a flood of messages, if you have more than one blog entry that I haven't read.
Then I thought - well... I could tell about the ceiling fan fiasco. But now I can't find my camera.
I could tell you about my trip to the ER - but that would embarrass G-man.
I could tell you about Jack Oy, the Porch Cat. I have pictures!! -- but no camera.
I could tell you about the morning I found J-man's fish. Dead. In the corner of his tank.
It was creepy.
I swear he was like one of those things you buy, put in water and watch them grow.
Yeah. We won't talk about that.
I could tell you that Sir Whiskers the Mini-hamster died.
He lived a good life in his castle - biting those who dared pet him.
Actually -- This is kind of funny.
I mean, not that he Died...but Mini-Me, who was very sad that her ball of biting fluff died, asked if she could have another hamster.
I kindly, or tried to be kindly, pointed out that it wouldn't exactly be fair to the new hamster. We can't put him in a ball to run because of Gizmo the hyper active mutt or Bubbles, the hyper active 4th. Those two are quite the pair. And either one can get the lid off the hamster ball.
So in my best managerial tone of voice, I told Mini-Me that we could get another hamster in a few years, when she's responsible enough to care for ALL aspects of the hamster. I'm not opposed to buying food. Hamster chow isn't that expensive, after all. But There's the cleaning of the cage, and tubes and the changing of the water. She wasn't doing all that she could have been doing.
She had a really good day not long after Whisker's demise. I praised her on her efforts and helpfulness.
"So..." she began. My spidey senses were tingling, telling me that I was suddenly on dangerous ground. She continued, "Do you think I'm responsible enough to get another hamster?"
I laughed.
"I really think we should wait until you're older..."
"Like when I'm twelve?"
Since she'll be twelve in October I had to tell her no.
We started school and have managed to Miss every Monday and many Fridays since we began.
Holy Spirit has told me through two people that I REALLY am supposed to be teaching the kids at home...
and I keep asking Him...'Are you REALLY sure?"
Which isn't the real question... Not really. Because really what I'm asking is: Are you CRAZY? I can't handle this!!
He takes my questions with a laugh...because, well, I'm still here. No lightening strikes.
It's going to get better, I'm sure. It has to.
What I don't like?? The fact that time seems to be accelerating and I'm standing still.
Sigh.
Too bad I can't do a SpeedDial for the school assignments.
Maybe then I'd not be behind in my blogging.
Ha!
Who am I kidding?
I'd be writing. It's become my addiction ... and most of the time I like it. Then there are the times I don't. Like it that is. Such is life, I suppose.
and that's really why I don't blog. I've got these invisible friends....
and the other day?? You know what I did??
I kidnapped one of them.
Yeah. It was a surprise for all of us.
Too bad I can't take pictures of it.
Oh, yeah.
I can't find my camera.
Darn.
Yes. I will tell you exactly how I feel.
Most of the time.
If you ask.
And sometimes if you don't.
On my Firefox, I have this handydandy 'add-on' called "Speed Dial". On my SpeedDial I have my Blogger blog. I also have Facebook, my Google Reader, Drudge Report (I like to scan the headlines), Photobucket, YouTube, Dictionary.com, NaNoWriMo, and Amazon.
What? You never know when you're going to need to look up a word when you're writing or shopping.
What's that?? Links?? Um. .. Only if you really need me to.
So I've been watching SpeedDial show my untended blog front and center every time I turn on the Firefox. So I thought to myself -
I'm a bad blogger friend. I've not been visiting blogs. For that I'm sorry. I"m also sorry that I might leave you a flood of messages, if you have more than one blog entry that I haven't read.
Then I thought - well... I could tell about the ceiling fan fiasco. But now I can't find my camera.
I could tell you about my trip to the ER - but that would embarrass G-man.
I could tell you about Jack Oy, the Porch Cat. I have pictures!! -- but no camera.
I could tell you about the morning I found J-man's fish. Dead. In the corner of his tank.
It was creepy.
I swear he was like one of those things you buy, put in water and watch them grow.
Yeah. We won't talk about that.
I could tell you that Sir Whiskers the Mini-hamster died.
He lived a good life in his castle - biting those who dared pet him.
Actually -- This is kind of funny.
I mean, not that he Died...but Mini-Me, who was very sad that her ball of biting fluff died, asked if she could have another hamster.
I kindly, or tried to be kindly, pointed out that it wouldn't exactly be fair to the new hamster. We can't put him in a ball to run because of Gizmo the hyper active mutt or Bubbles, the hyper active 4th. Those two are quite the pair. And either one can get the lid off the hamster ball.
So in my best managerial tone of voice, I told Mini-Me that we could get another hamster in a few years, when she's responsible enough to care for ALL aspects of the hamster. I'm not opposed to buying food. Hamster chow isn't that expensive, after all. But There's the cleaning of the cage, and tubes and the changing of the water. She wasn't doing all that she could have been doing.
She had a really good day not long after Whisker's demise. I praised her on her efforts and helpfulness.
"So..." she began. My spidey senses were tingling, telling me that I was suddenly on dangerous ground. She continued, "Do you think I'm responsible enough to get another hamster?"
I laughed.
"I really think we should wait until you're older..."
"Like when I'm twelve?"
Since she'll be twelve in October I had to tell her no.
We started school and have managed to Miss every Monday and many Fridays since we began.
Holy Spirit has told me through two people that I REALLY am supposed to be teaching the kids at home...
and I keep asking Him...'Are you REALLY sure?"
Which isn't the real question... Not really. Because really what I'm asking is: Are you CRAZY? I can't handle this!!
He takes my questions with a laugh...because, well, I'm still here. No lightening strikes.
It's going to get better, I'm sure. It has to.
What I don't like?? The fact that time seems to be accelerating and I'm standing still.
Sigh.
Too bad I can't do a SpeedDial for the school assignments.
Maybe then I'd not be behind in my blogging.
Ha!
Who am I kidding?
I'd be writing. It's become my addiction ... and most of the time I like it. Then there are the times I don't. Like it that is. Such is life, I suppose.
and that's really why I don't blog. I've got these invisible friends....
and the other day?? You know what I did??
I kidnapped one of them.
Yeah. It was a surprise for all of us.
Too bad I can't take pictures of it.
Oh, yeah.
I can't find my camera.
Darn.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Do you ever...?
Do you ever tell someone about your blog and then wish you hadn't?
Not because you want to talk about them, but because now -- now - they're seeing a part of you that:
a) you might not want them to see. Not in a bad sense - but they just didn't turn out the way the appeared. which could lead to:
b) they might just use it against you.
and then you put it out of your mind and:
c) you might actually forget they're reading and then talk about them.
I've found the same is true of Facebook.
At least, on Facebook you can remove someone from your 'friends' list.
Except maybe that 3rd cousin on your mother's side. That's probably not a good idea.
~~~~
Do you ever wonder at your own expectations?
I expected my children to like their teacher. Snort.
I expected my fourth child to be the easiest. Did you hear that cackling?? It was me. I can't believe I expected that.
I'm a friendly person. I expect friendships. After a back-stabbing incident when I was a teen, I'm very careful about calling people best friends. I didn't want that heart break - but even so - I was constantly on the look. Still am, to be honest.Looking for friendships that can go deep....
I realize friendships come and go. They just do. The truly rare friendships are the ones that stay ...
and change with you. And I am grateful for the few that have done just that.
I've struggled over a friendship that changed so drastically the friendship is really no more. Acquaintances, really.
It's bothered me. I worried that I was the one who did something wrong.
Did I call too much? They never called back. Was I too needy?
Instant messaging chats didn't work out.
I learned the hard way that I can't give more than I've got - but did I not give enough?
After a while of pursuing on my part and not being pursued in turn - friendships really are a pursuit you know. Pursuit of time. Commonality. Contact.
After sharing all of myself and realizing they were only sharing part of themselves, I realized the friendship would never go beyond what it was.
Which seemed like the shallow end of the pool...when I could see the deep end. I could feel it.
I always liked the deep end best.
Months have passed and still I struggled with it. It was a recurring thought when ever the blues came along. So ..one day while washing dishes ... I asked Holy Spirit why? Why did this bother me so much?? Why can I not be happy that it never went beyond the shallow end of the pool? The signs that it was for the best are there. So why am I struggling?
Expectations, was His whisper.
I had the expectations that we would get out of the shallow end and it never happened.
I don't think it was wrong that I expected (and desired) the friendship would deepen.
I was disappointed when it didn't.
Now that I know it was my expectations, I have a weapon to use to fight the solemnity that comes when I remember.
And value those friends who do want to stick, making the effort to pursue... being willing to go with the flow of life, growing and changing as life grows and changes. Truly, they are the best of friends.
---
Do you ever just wonder what the hell God is up to??
I'm not going to apologize. I'm a what you see is what you get girl.
I seriously wonder this sometimes.
Things are not easing on the stress levels. Though the oppression that our household had been under since Passover has lifted - it's all a new level. Did I pass the test? I don't know.
I read a quote from TobyMac. It was tacked inside a video from YouTube.
It said he spent two hours just being silent - he got up and with the affirmation "I still believe in God."
And that's where I am.
I do not like the news of the day.
I do not like the pressure that is hurting my husband's heart.
I do not like that my kids are constantly at each other. Pick pick pick.
I do not like that I can't see the future ...
BUT
I still believe in God.
-----
Do you ever get such a kick out of your kids that you can barely stand it?
-----
Do you ever look back - not seeing a difference in yourself compared to then and now - but KNOWING there is a difference - and knowing you can't go back. Learning to not be apologetic about it ...
---------------
Do you ever write a post -- and then hesitate to publish it?
Not because you want to talk about them, but because now -- now - they're seeing a part of you that:
a) you might not want them to see. Not in a bad sense - but they just didn't turn out the way the appeared. which could lead to:
b) they might just use it against you.
and then you put it out of your mind and:
c) you might actually forget they're reading and then talk about them.
I've found the same is true of Facebook.
At least, on Facebook you can remove someone from your 'friends' list.
Except maybe that 3rd cousin on your mother's side. That's probably not a good idea.
~~~~
Do you ever wonder at your own expectations?
I expected my children to like their teacher. Snort.
I expected my fourth child to be the easiest. Did you hear that cackling?? It was me. I can't believe I expected that.
I'm a friendly person. I expect friendships. After a back-stabbing incident when I was a teen, I'm very careful about calling people best friends. I didn't want that heart break - but even so - I was constantly on the look. Still am, to be honest.Looking for friendships that can go deep....
I realize friendships come and go. They just do. The truly rare friendships are the ones that stay ...
and change with you. And I am grateful for the few that have done just that.
I've struggled over a friendship that changed so drastically the friendship is really no more. Acquaintances, really.
It's bothered me. I worried that I was the one who did something wrong.
Did I call too much? They never called back. Was I too needy?
Instant messaging chats didn't work out.
I learned the hard way that I can't give more than I've got - but did I not give enough?
After a while of pursuing on my part and not being pursued in turn - friendships really are a pursuit you know. Pursuit of time. Commonality. Contact.
After sharing all of myself and realizing they were only sharing part of themselves, I realized the friendship would never go beyond what it was.
Which seemed like the shallow end of the pool...when I could see the deep end. I could feel it.
I always liked the deep end best.
Months have passed and still I struggled with it. It was a recurring thought when ever the blues came along. So ..one day while washing dishes ... I asked Holy Spirit why? Why did this bother me so much?? Why can I not be happy that it never went beyond the shallow end of the pool? The signs that it was for the best are there. So why am I struggling?
Expectations, was His whisper.
I had the expectations that we would get out of the shallow end and it never happened.
I don't think it was wrong that I expected (and desired) the friendship would deepen.
I was disappointed when it didn't.
Now that I know it was my expectations, I have a weapon to use to fight the solemnity that comes when I remember.
And value those friends who do want to stick, making the effort to pursue... being willing to go with the flow of life, growing and changing as life grows and changes. Truly, they are the best of friends.
---
Do you ever just wonder what the hell God is up to??
I'm not going to apologize. I'm a what you see is what you get girl.
I seriously wonder this sometimes.
Things are not easing on the stress levels. Though the oppression that our household had been under since Passover has lifted - it's all a new level. Did I pass the test? I don't know.
I read a quote from TobyMac. It was tacked inside a video from YouTube.
It said he spent two hours just being silent - he got up and with the affirmation "I still believe in God."
And that's where I am.
I do not like the news of the day.
I do not like the pressure that is hurting my husband's heart.
I do not like that my kids are constantly at each other. Pick pick pick.
I do not like that I can't see the future ...
BUT
I still believe in God.
-----
Do you ever get such a kick out of your kids that you can barely stand it?
-----
Do you ever look back - not seeing a difference in yourself compared to then and now - but KNOWING there is a difference - and knowing you can't go back. Learning to not be apologetic about it ...
---------------
Do you ever write a post -- and then hesitate to publish it?
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Or Maybe a Little RiverDance?
Or Maybe the Chieftains??
I'm drawing the line at green eggs and ham...
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Off the cuff...
No, this isn't a post about hemming pants.
though, being short, I probably could talk about that -- but I won't.
I've not posted in a while because I was writing something fictional. Which surprised me and turned out to be way more fun than writing about real life. Because well -- real life involved fractured elbows.
So I'm here to remind you that I'm alive and slowly making the rounds of my bloggy friends to catch up on what you're doing. AND trying to catch up on laundry.
I've figured something out over this last week -- or so. However long it took me to download my story from my brain. So -- to catch up, I thought I'd share.
What I figured out - I am totally dependent on BOTH of The Professor's elbows.
Because BOTH of his hands are necessary for this house to run smooothly when I'm in writing mode.
Snort. Who am I kidding?
They're needed ALL THE TIME.
To the women who have to do it all -- I'm really, really sorry.
I've had to do all the dishes. All the laundry. Even all the food cutting for dinner time.
Not to mention the OTHER stuff that .... well... involves cats. Buttons. Shoe laces.
The Professor's elbow is much better (thank you for asking) but it's still on a carefree - no stress restriction.
So after coming out of the writing mode... (Which included telling my invisible friends goodbye)
.... looking around the house....my first reaction was, "Wow. This is an unholy mess of a mess."
It didn't help that the laundry baskets had been used to nap on by a creative Bubbles.
Or that, well, I'll be honest here. If the dog or a sibling drops something on the floor, no other sibling will pick it up.
Though, some sweet moments have come from The Professor's elbow issues.
Mini-Me has stepped up to be very helpful.
G-man had some tough days at first. He was actually WORRIED about The Professor and acted out. Telling my mom "no" in rebellion.
The other kids ask about it - but don't go very deep.
We'll all be glad when the elbow released back to active duty.
-------
We had to have the toilet replaced.
The kids liked the plumber. He answered their questions.
ALL of their questions.
J-man announced to me "Mom! I was nice to our new potty. It's cute."
He's right - but other than slamming the toilet seat down - I don't remember him being mean to the other one.
---------
Mini-Me got put out with her brothers because they weren't playing with her. They were busy putting poppers on the counter and watching them spring up. We were at the doctor's office today for Bubble's four- year check up.
So to help make life better for her. I gave her my little MP3 player to listen to. It's a Sansa Clip. Little thing. Filled with random music. I found the Beatles' Help album and turned it on for her. She listened and has decided she wanted an MP3 player.
Her birthday isn't for some time yet.
And while I like the Clip...it's small and can't be expanded (There's no card slot). So being selfish, I went looking for an upgrade for ME. I found one in the Sansa Fuze. So I ordered it, letting MIni-Me know she could have the Clip. AFTER my new one came.
Mini-Me asked if we could add more music to the MP3 player that is destined for her. Sure!! Why not.
So we loaded some songs for her. We loaded Sandra Boynton's Philadelphia Chickens and Blue Moo. Then She asked... SHE ASKED for Project's Winter in June to be added.
Be Still my heart.
And this collection of Indian music we found at Barnes and Noble.
At times... I just adore my kids more than other times. Like those times when I merely tolerate them.
Like Saturday when there was break from the bickering or bossing or b.....you get the idea.
-----
I love friends who are willing to go on experiments with you. (Like reading stuff you've written)
(Which makes you all rocking - just for reading THIS!)
and awesome friends who tell you things that you need to hear.
Like the time I told someone: I'm becoming a cat person.
and my friend said "you already were"
-----
I'll get off the cuff now.
I'm taking the Professor on a date tomorrow night.
Gotta find some place elbow friendly to take him.
though, being short, I probably could talk about that -- but I won't.
I've not posted in a while because I was writing something fictional. Which surprised me and turned out to be way more fun than writing about real life. Because well -- real life involved fractured elbows.
So I'm here to remind you that I'm alive and slowly making the rounds of my bloggy friends to catch up on what you're doing. AND trying to catch up on laundry.
I've figured something out over this last week -- or so. However long it took me to download my story from my brain. So -- to catch up, I thought I'd share.
What I figured out - I am totally dependent on BOTH of The Professor's elbows.
Because BOTH of his hands are necessary for this house to run smooothly when I'm in writing mode.
Snort. Who am I kidding?
They're needed ALL THE TIME.
To the women who have to do it all -- I'm really, really sorry.
I've had to do all the dishes. All the laundry. Even all the food cutting for dinner time.
Not to mention the OTHER stuff that .... well... involves cats. Buttons. Shoe laces.
The Professor's elbow is much better (thank you for asking) but it's still on a carefree - no stress restriction.
So after coming out of the writing mode... (Which included telling my invisible friends goodbye)
.... looking around the house....my first reaction was, "Wow. This is an unholy mess of a mess."
It didn't help that the laundry baskets had been used to nap on by a creative Bubbles.
Or that, well, I'll be honest here. If the dog or a sibling drops something on the floor, no other sibling will pick it up.
Though, some sweet moments have come from The Professor's elbow issues.
Mini-Me has stepped up to be very helpful.
G-man had some tough days at first. He was actually WORRIED about The Professor and acted out. Telling my mom "no" in rebellion.
The other kids ask about it - but don't go very deep.
We'll all be glad when the elbow released back to active duty.
-------
We had to have the toilet replaced.
The kids liked the plumber. He answered their questions.
ALL of their questions.
J-man announced to me "Mom! I was nice to our new potty. It's cute."
He's right - but other than slamming the toilet seat down - I don't remember him being mean to the other one.
---------
Mini-Me got put out with her brothers because they weren't playing with her. They were busy putting poppers on the counter and watching them spring up. We were at the doctor's office today for Bubble's four- year check up.
So to help make life better for her. I gave her my little MP3 player to listen to. It's a Sansa Clip. Little thing. Filled with random music. I found the Beatles' Help album and turned it on for her. She listened and has decided she wanted an MP3 player.
Her birthday isn't for some time yet.
And while I like the Clip...it's small and can't be expanded (There's no card slot). So being selfish, I went looking for an upgrade for ME. I found one in the Sansa Fuze. So I ordered it, letting MIni-Me know she could have the Clip. AFTER my new one came.
Mini-Me asked if we could add more music to the MP3 player that is destined for her. Sure!! Why not.
So we loaded some songs for her. We loaded Sandra Boynton's Philadelphia Chickens and Blue Moo. Then She asked... SHE ASKED for Project's Winter in June to be added.
Be Still my heart.
And this collection of Indian music we found at Barnes and Noble.
At times... I just adore my kids more than other times. Like those times when I merely tolerate them.
Like Saturday when there was break from the bickering or bossing or b.....you get the idea.
-----
I love friends who are willing to go on experiments with you. (Like reading stuff you've written)
(Which makes you all rocking - just for reading THIS!)
and awesome friends who tell you things that you need to hear.
Like the time I told someone: I'm becoming a cat person.
and my friend said "you already were"
-----
I'll get off the cuff now.
I'm taking the Professor on a date tomorrow night.
Gotta find some place elbow friendly to take him.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Sickness, Emotions and facing the past...
We had ice. We had snow.
The way everyone was carrying on ... the weather people, the newscasters, the facebook statuses...I fully expected to wake up on Thursday morning, the last Thursday of January, to find that Hell had frozen over.
It hadn't. I was almost disappointed.
We didn't get rain until noon ish. Then it started freezing. Then it started snowing.
I like snow. I'm not such a fan of the ice.
Along with the snow storm, came a cold.
I thought we were done feeling poorly or at least on the mend. It was rather poetic, for the ice to melt and us to feel better.
My brother is getting married...and we're thrilled.
As a gift, I thought I'd paint the bedroom for my niece to be. My brother lives in my parents old home. My niece to be - Princess M - will actually be sleeping in my old room. I knew the room hadn't been painted in a long while.
I know because I painted it. Sigh. Nearly 20 years ago.
In the process of prepping the room for paint, my brother helped me clean it up.
We were faced with the "we can't get rid of that - we might need it."
These thoughts really are rooted in a poverty spirit. Saving junk instead of getting rid of it because we might need it -- and then letting it collect dust and mildew. It's rather an interesting visual picture..
it could preach.
So as we cleaned out that ONE room - and I made several trips to the other rooms, I was struck by how much stuff had been saved. And how much really, truly needed to be tossed away. It was a good thing I stayed there to paint a wall, because if I'd come home then, there's no telling what I might have thrown away.
I'm not one for saving sentimental things. I don't a lot of knick knacks. I don't like them They collect dust.
What I do have, though, are books. Lots and lots of books.
And children who have lots and lots of toys.
And today, I don't feel good.
I'm more tired than normal. I don't know if it's because of painting and trying to rush into activity too fast.
But really, facing the past has given me a glimmer of how the future has changed.
The poverty spirit will not continue through my family line -- and by gum, we'll throw out parts and pieces and not save them. I'm also convinced we should paint. And paint soon.
but not until I feel better.
Otherwise, we might have more boring, maudlin posts like this one - and I'm not sure how much either of us can take.
The way everyone was carrying on ... the weather people, the newscasters, the facebook statuses...I fully expected to wake up on Thursday morning, the last Thursday of January, to find that Hell had frozen over.
It hadn't. I was almost disappointed.
We didn't get rain until noon ish. Then it started freezing. Then it started snowing.
I like snow. I'm not such a fan of the ice.
Along with the snow storm, came a cold.
I thought we were done feeling poorly or at least on the mend. It was rather poetic, for the ice to melt and us to feel better.
My brother is getting married...and we're thrilled.
As a gift, I thought I'd paint the bedroom for my niece to be. My brother lives in my parents old home. My niece to be - Princess M - will actually be sleeping in my old room. I knew the room hadn't been painted in a long while.
I know because I painted it. Sigh. Nearly 20 years ago.
In the process of prepping the room for paint, my brother helped me clean it up.
We were faced with the "we can't get rid of that - we might need it."
These thoughts really are rooted in a poverty spirit. Saving junk instead of getting rid of it because we might need it -- and then letting it collect dust and mildew. It's rather an interesting visual picture..
it could preach.
So as we cleaned out that ONE room - and I made several trips to the other rooms, I was struck by how much stuff had been saved. And how much really, truly needed to be tossed away. It was a good thing I stayed there to paint a wall, because if I'd come home then, there's no telling what I might have thrown away.
I'm not one for saving sentimental things. I don't a lot of knick knacks. I don't like them They collect dust.
What I do have, though, are books. Lots and lots of books.
And children who have lots and lots of toys.
And today, I don't feel good.
I'm more tired than normal. I don't know if it's because of painting and trying to rush into activity too fast.
But really, facing the past has given me a glimmer of how the future has changed.
The poverty spirit will not continue through my family line -- and by gum, we'll throw out parts and pieces and not save them. I'm also convinced we should paint. And paint soon.
but not until I feel better.
Otherwise, we might have more boring, maudlin posts like this one - and I'm not sure how much either of us can take.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
What exactly should I say?
I must confess that I'm not exactly sure what to say lately.
Life is rather boring around the laundry pile.
The two big kids have found that if they work hard at their school work they can be done before lunch time. Which is great, but the constant questions of the morning school rush can be a bit much for me. Especially when the two littler kids want attention, too.
They're enjoying this race to beat the clock - and each other. So I guess we'll make it work for us.
The weather here is down right frigid. I love it.
Don't get me wrong. I'd rather be cold than hot any day.
But we're not used to such cold weather until the end of January. So it's been rather a trip to see frost and frozen tundra before Christmas.
I did manage to get all my shopping done.
The Professor did shop for me. I have "stuff". Which makes me happy.
I love getting gifts! So to know that it's 'stuff' from my hubby and not just a single gift, makes me giddy.
I'm rather looking forward to 2010.
The new adventures that we'll have. New things to begin.
It should be quite fun.
I finally understand why some bloggers have two or more blogs!
I mean, if that's what you wanted to do, as a blogger, more power to you.
But with all the story lines going on in my head, I decided I needed another blog for the other side of my brain. For story ideas or non-mommy things. I went with LiveJournal. I'd toyed with it several years ago. I wanted some place that my characters could say whatever they wanted to say without the mommy-blog getting in the way.
And I think that's one reason I have not much to say. Life is good and continuing on. God still sings over me constantly. But my writing has been focused on the novels and fiction in my head. It makes me laugh because I never thought I'd have so much to write about. Now to figure out how to pay attention to life -- so I have something to BLOG about.
Life is rather boring around the laundry pile.
The two big kids have found that if they work hard at their school work they can be done before lunch time. Which is great, but the constant questions of the morning school rush can be a bit much for me. Especially when the two littler kids want attention, too.
They're enjoying this race to beat the clock - and each other. So I guess we'll make it work for us.
The weather here is down right frigid. I love it.
Don't get me wrong. I'd rather be cold than hot any day.
But we're not used to such cold weather until the end of January. So it's been rather a trip to see frost and frozen tundra before Christmas.
I did manage to get all my shopping done.
The Professor did shop for me. I have "stuff". Which makes me happy.
I love getting gifts! So to know that it's 'stuff' from my hubby and not just a single gift, makes me giddy.
I'm rather looking forward to 2010.
The new adventures that we'll have. New things to begin.
It should be quite fun.
I finally understand why some bloggers have two or more blogs!
I mean, if that's what you wanted to do, as a blogger, more power to you.
But with all the story lines going on in my head, I decided I needed another blog for the other side of my brain. For story ideas or non-mommy things. I went with LiveJournal. I'd toyed with it several years ago. I wanted some place that my characters could say whatever they wanted to say without the mommy-blog getting in the way.
And I think that's one reason I have not much to say. Life is good and continuing on. God still sings over me constantly. But my writing has been focused on the novels and fiction in my head. It makes me laugh because I never thought I'd have so much to write about. Now to figure out how to pay attention to life -- so I have something to BLOG about.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Things heard in the Laundry pile..
On Reading:
Mini-me read her first "Mandie" book. The First one, in fact. I remember reading these as a kid, but I can't say that they were my favorite books. I don't know why, exactly. I remember one scene where Mandie's friend prays ... Open Eyes and open face toward the sky. But I can't remember why.
Mini-Me devoured the book.
She turned the page and groaned, "Aaaaaaawwww. It's over."
Music to my ears.
She requested more books for Christmas.
Even more music to my ears.
On Animals:
Last Christmas, we had a great challenge keeping Shaggy from getting into the toys while unbinding them from their Packaging. Oh, the packaging that hell hath brought!! The endless miles of twisty ties. The mindless bits of tape. The pieces of plastic pierced through Barbie's head. (so glad we aren't getting Barbie's this year.)
It was the Christmas packaging that keeps a pair of wire cutters in my kitchen drawer.
What was I saying??
Christmas. Dogs. I promise.
Gizmo tends to be wild. Just as prone as Bubbles to take a toy and run.
Thinking it might be good to have things for him to chew on, new toys make him happy, I purchased a few things.
When I was showing the Professor purchases for the kids, talking about the next steps. Oh, these are for the dog, says I.
He looks at them, "did you get something for the cat?"
Well no. -- I'm rather stunned that he asked. He doesn't like the critters. Tolerates them for our sake...mostly the kids sake.
"She's part of the tribe. You should get her something for Christmas."
"Are you serious??"
He was. Maggie's presents are stashed with the rest. I went last night and bought her a play mat.
Sigh.
We're goofy.
On Phonics - the inspiration of learning:
G-man was walking by Mini-Me. In a rather awed voice he said: "Did you know there is a vowel in every word??"
Mini-me read her first "Mandie" book. The First one, in fact. I remember reading these as a kid, but I can't say that they were my favorite books. I don't know why, exactly. I remember one scene where Mandie's friend prays ... Open Eyes and open face toward the sky. But I can't remember why.
Mini-Me devoured the book.
She turned the page and groaned, "Aaaaaaawwww. It's over."
Music to my ears.
She requested more books for Christmas.
Even more music to my ears.
On Animals:
Last Christmas, we had a great challenge keeping Shaggy from getting into the toys while unbinding them from their Packaging. Oh, the packaging that hell hath brought!! The endless miles of twisty ties. The mindless bits of tape. The pieces of plastic pierced through Barbie's head. (so glad we aren't getting Barbie's this year.)
It was the Christmas packaging that keeps a pair of wire cutters in my kitchen drawer.
What was I saying??
Christmas. Dogs. I promise.
Gizmo tends to be wild. Just as prone as Bubbles to take a toy and run.
Thinking it might be good to have things for him to chew on, new toys make him happy, I purchased a few things.
When I was showing the Professor purchases for the kids, talking about the next steps. Oh, these are for the dog, says I.
He looks at them, "did you get something for the cat?"
Well no. -- I'm rather stunned that he asked. He doesn't like the critters. Tolerates them for our sake...mostly the kids sake.
"She's part of the tribe. You should get her something for Christmas."
"Are you serious??"
He was. Maggie's presents are stashed with the rest. I went last night and bought her a play mat.
Sigh.
We're goofy.
On Phonics - the inspiration of learning:
G-man was walking by Mini-Me. In a rather awed voice he said: "Did you know there is a vowel in every word??"
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Writing and Focus (or lack of it)
Well, I'm way over due for a blogger update. Sorry about that. I know - I'm blogging without obligation - it says so somewhere on my sidebar. I had originally thought that I would blog about the life of NaNo. And those plans fell through as writing, PLUS life, just took all my spare time.
Today I'm not feeling well - so i'm not entirely sure how much of this blog post will make sense.
I may have to edit it after the haze clears. :-)
It started out well. I had a crazy plot, and some good characters.
I'm a sucker for good characters.
I had the beginning of my story already in my head. That was the easy part.
Then the middle part hit.
Good grief. That was not easy.
Nor was it, turns out, fun.
One bit of a blessing that came about in the midst of this, was the word count battle between a lady in New York -- MercOne. The word count happened by accident and we both had more fun with it than I think either of us thought we would.
Chiding each other with faux frustrations but genuine cheers.
Today I reached the official mark of 50,000 words. I'm not done with my story. I've got 15 more days or so to finish it. The fact that it's nearly done, thrills me.Though, I know once I reread it later, say in December, to begin to edit it, I might wonder what the heck I was thinking.
To be honest, I love to write.
I always have.
But having Merc there to constantly get ahead of me in word count, urged me to keep going. Her being 3,000+ words ahead of me during a few days really ... I was glad for her..
but it IRKED me.
She was sick.
She wrote a drinking song for me.
Still got ahead of me in word count.
And she was sick.
And working.
and that motivated me to kill my inner editor -- that voice that says "Edit now" or whispers "plot flaw". MercOne motivated me because her 3,000k and plus word count mocked me.
So I pushed on.
writing little bit by little bit.
I had to eat her lead like you would eat an elephant. Bite by bite..or in this case..word by word.
She helped me get past the "middle of the story" blues.
She kept me going ....
Really - I couldn't have asked for a better writing buddy.
So thank you, MercOne!!
You have my undying gratitude and probably a place in my book, after I rewrite it. :-)
Today I'm not feeling well - so i'm not entirely sure how much of this blog post will make sense.
I may have to edit it after the haze clears. :-)
It started out well. I had a crazy plot, and some good characters.
I'm a sucker for good characters.
I had the beginning of my story already in my head. That was the easy part.
Then the middle part hit.
Good grief. That was not easy.
Nor was it, turns out, fun.
One bit of a blessing that came about in the midst of this, was the word count battle between a lady in New York -- MercOne. The word count happened by accident and we both had more fun with it than I think either of us thought we would.
Chiding each other with faux frustrations but genuine cheers.
Today I reached the official mark of 50,000 words. I'm not done with my story. I've got 15 more days or so to finish it. The fact that it's nearly done, thrills me.Though, I know once I reread it later, say in December, to begin to edit it, I might wonder what the heck I was thinking.
To be honest, I love to write.
I always have.
But having Merc there to constantly get ahead of me in word count, urged me to keep going. Her being 3,000+ words ahead of me during a few days really ... I was glad for her..
but it IRKED me.
She was sick.
She wrote a drinking song for me.
Still got ahead of me in word count.
And she was sick.
And working.
and that motivated me to kill my inner editor -- that voice that says "Edit now" or whispers "plot flaw". MercOne motivated me because her 3,000k and plus word count mocked me.
So I pushed on.
writing little bit by little bit.
I had to eat her lead like you would eat an elephant. Bite by bite..or in this case..word by word.
She helped me get past the "middle of the story" blues.
She kept me going ....
Really - I couldn't have asked for a better writing buddy.
So thank you, MercOne!!
You have my undying gratitude and probably a place in my book, after I rewrite it. :-)
Friday, October 23, 2009
The Absent Professor
Our Laundry Pile Professor, the man that I love, the one who keeps me grounded while letting me soar, the Single man who would probably "get me" (other than Jesus) has been gone for a week.
I miss him.
He does handy stuff that I often forget to do.
Like put away the cheese.
Or bread.
He'll even do dishes and laundry.
He won't be home for another week.
He'll miss Mini-Me's 11th birthday. It was just the way it was going to happen. No way around it.
He's away for business ... and he's where he's needed.
So I'm not sad that he's gone.
I just miss him.
While he's gone, he's working nights and sleeping days. When we have the chance to chat, it's during Our evening - when he's getting ready for his day. The kids always, ALWAYS tell me to tel him "Good Night!!!" -- I've tried explaining to them that daddy is up for the day...but they don't get it.
So I just pass along the word. We both chuckle and move on.
Mini-Me was rather bummed that The Professor was going to miss out on her birthday, she wanted to save him a piece of cake. Week old cake is not the Professor's idea of fun.
In tears, she came to me and told me that she wanted to wait for the Professor to come home before celebrating her birthday. I chatted with him, and he encouraged her to go ahead and have her birthday on the 26th.
The 26th is actually the best day for my mom & Brother to come. If we wait - the y might not be able to make it.
After explaining the situation to her, Mini-me has opted to split her birthday in half. She's going to have cake on Monday and celebrate with my family. Then we'll have another birthday when the Professor gets home. :-) I was proud of her for such a grown up decision...and the willingness to wait for her gift. She knows what we're getting her (A Nintendo DS).
So we're counting the days down to our two big events: Her birthday and the return of the Professor. :-)
On a funny note:
J-man started flailing his arms into his big brother. Thud thud thud went the fists on the back - like a windmill.
I sputtered my words out, trying to ask two questions at once - "What are you.... Why are you... HITTING your brother??"
Calmly, the five year old replied, "He was askin' for it."
It was really hard not to laugh.
It didn't explain anything and calm or not, He still got in trouble.
Oh -- my NaNoWriMo post.
You guys made me laugh with your encouragement..
and it's nice to know that I'm not the only one out there that peruses through the flair buttons. For Fun. You guys rock. I'll try to keep you posted about it, I'm actually excited for it to start. The story is aching to get out of my brain!!
I miss him.
He does handy stuff that I often forget to do.
Like put away the cheese.
Or bread.
He'll even do dishes and laundry.
He won't be home for another week.
He'll miss Mini-Me's 11th birthday. It was just the way it was going to happen. No way around it.
He's away for business ... and he's where he's needed.
So I'm not sad that he's gone.
I just miss him.
While he's gone, he's working nights and sleeping days. When we have the chance to chat, it's during Our evening - when he's getting ready for his day. The kids always, ALWAYS tell me to tel him "Good Night!!!" -- I've tried explaining to them that daddy is up for the day...but they don't get it.
So I just pass along the word. We both chuckle and move on.
Mini-Me was rather bummed that The Professor was going to miss out on her birthday, she wanted to save him a piece of cake. Week old cake is not the Professor's idea of fun.
In tears, she came to me and told me that she wanted to wait for the Professor to come home before celebrating her birthday. I chatted with him, and he encouraged her to go ahead and have her birthday on the 26th.
The 26th is actually the best day for my mom & Brother to come. If we wait - the y might not be able to make it.
After explaining the situation to her, Mini-me has opted to split her birthday in half. She's going to have cake on Monday and celebrate with my family. Then we'll have another birthday when the Professor gets home. :-) I was proud of her for such a grown up decision...and the willingness to wait for her gift. She knows what we're getting her (A Nintendo DS).
So we're counting the days down to our two big events: Her birthday and the return of the Professor. :-)
On a funny note:
J-man started flailing his arms into his big brother. Thud thud thud went the fists on the back - like a windmill.
I sputtered my words out, trying to ask two questions at once - "What are you.... Why are you... HITTING your brother??"
Calmly, the five year old replied, "He was askin' for it."
It was really hard not to laugh.
It didn't explain anything and calm or not, He still got in trouble.
Oh -- my NaNoWriMo post.
You guys made me laugh with your encouragement..
and it's nice to know that I'm not the only one out there that peruses through the flair buttons. For Fun. You guys rock. I'll try to keep you posted about it, I'm actually excited for it to start. The story is aching to get out of my brain!!
Monday, October 19, 2009
I don't want the shirt...
I had a favorite pastor once tell a short story.
It seemed that his wife noticed a car driving by that said "Chaplain" on the back.
She mentioned it to him and asked if he would get something like that for his truck.
He told her (and subsequently us) that the last thing he wanted people to know when he's driving was that he's a pastor.
I feel that way about mommy-ness.
I don't wear a lot of "Christian" tee shirts.
Firstly, I think they're really overrated. I would say cliched - but I don't mind most cliches.
I like the clever ones.
I wish they could all be clever instead of .... well, lame.
Mostly - I don't think I want advertise that I'm-such-a-devout-christian-that-I'll-wear-this-t-shirt-to-prove-it! That's just asking for trouble, in my opinion.
Invariably, one of the kids *WILL* push my button. Or stomp on that already frayed nerve and..
I'll snap.
Talk harshly.
Or swat a bottom.
Or even stomp my foot.
There have been those times when they seemed to gang up on me. ... and decided to ignore everything I said..but the need for the product outweighed the urge to go home and send them to bed.
If I could hand out a flyer to any passerby at my moment of frustration, i think it would say something like "Please forgive this woman. You don't know what they've done. The many loads of laundry caused by the many potty accidents. The many fits thrown in a day. The sibling fist fights. Hissy fits. She's truly trying her best. Please do not think harshly."
There are two types of observers...
The Non-christians who judge me by how they perceive I should act.
And the Religious Pharisees - who thinks I'm not living up to the letter of the law.
It irks me...because if I could tell the non-Christian anything it would be -- "I'm so far from perfect -- but Jesus loves me."
If I could tell the religious person anything they wouldn't hear it.
Sigh.
There is a third observer - the mom, dad or grandmother that's been there and has the scars to prove it. You can never tell if they fit into a category.
One time I got kicked in the nose by one of my own kids, and had to slam the door shut before I really lost my temper. The lady looked at me quickly and looked away quickly. You just know she's a mom.
I don't put things on the back of my van that proclaim my belief in Jesus, cause I know I'll cut someone off in traffic and push them further from the truth.
I won't wear "Jesus Gear" on any normal type of day - because I know I'll mess up.
I'm not perfect. I never claimed to be perfect. I'm a mess.
And that's why even in the midst of the messes - it's not the t-shirt I'm wearing, it's whether or not my light is shining through.
It's whether or not I can take my mess and let God turn it into something amazing for His glory.
That's the hard part of it all.
Knowing that God loves me - even when I mess up - and is willing to take me again back out into the world and give me another shot.
I'm glad he never gives up on me...especially when I do.
That's the hard part.
It would make a good t-shirt.
I'd wear that one.
It seemed that his wife noticed a car driving by that said "Chaplain" on the back.
She mentioned it to him and asked if he would get something like that for his truck.
He told her (and subsequently us) that the last thing he wanted people to know when he's driving was that he's a pastor.
I feel that way about mommy-ness.
I don't wear a lot of "Christian" tee shirts.
Firstly, I think they're really overrated. I would say cliched - but I don't mind most cliches.
I like the clever ones.
I wish they could all be clever instead of .... well, lame.
Mostly - I don't think I want advertise that I'm-such-a-devout-christian-that-I'll-wear-this-t-shirt-to-prove-it! That's just asking for trouble, in my opinion.
Invariably, one of the kids *WILL* push my button. Or stomp on that already frayed nerve and..
I'll snap.
Talk harshly.
Or swat a bottom.
Or even stomp my foot.
There have been those times when they seemed to gang up on me. ... and decided to ignore everything I said..but the need for the product outweighed the urge to go home and send them to bed.
If I could hand out a flyer to any passerby at my moment of frustration, i think it would say something like "Please forgive this woman. You don't know what they've done. The many loads of laundry caused by the many potty accidents. The many fits thrown in a day. The sibling fist fights. Hissy fits. She's truly trying her best. Please do not think harshly."
There are two types of observers...
The Non-christians who judge me by how they perceive I should act.
And the Religious Pharisees - who thinks I'm not living up to the letter of the law.
It irks me...because if I could tell the non-Christian anything it would be -- "I'm so far from perfect -- but Jesus loves me."
If I could tell the religious person anything they wouldn't hear it.
Sigh.
There is a third observer - the mom, dad or grandmother that's been there and has the scars to prove it. You can never tell if they fit into a category.
One time I got kicked in the nose by one of my own kids, and had to slam the door shut before I really lost my temper. The lady looked at me quickly and looked away quickly. You just know she's a mom.
I don't put things on the back of my van that proclaim my belief in Jesus, cause I know I'll cut someone off in traffic and push them further from the truth.
I won't wear "Jesus Gear" on any normal type of day - because I know I'll mess up.
I'm not perfect. I never claimed to be perfect. I'm a mess.
And that's why even in the midst of the messes - it's not the t-shirt I'm wearing, it's whether or not my light is shining through.
It's whether or not I can take my mess and let God turn it into something amazing for His glory.
That's the hard part of it all.
Knowing that God loves me - even when I mess up - and is willing to take me again back out into the world and give me another shot.
I'm glad he never gives up on me...especially when I do.
That's the hard part.
It would make a good t-shirt.
I'd wear that one.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Not feeling it...
Your Primary Mood Color is Yellow |
 You are a enthusiastic and cheerful soul. You have a real zest for life. You have as many troubles as anyone else, but you believe it's important to have a sunny outlook. Life is what you make of it, and you strive to make your life as awesome as possible. You believe in happy endings. You are willing to put your a lot on the line in hopes that things will work out. |
I agree with this -- that Generally speaking -- I have a yellow disposition.
Which is odd, because I never owned anything yellow until recently.
Yellow is the color of, among other things, the color of hope and joy.
Today I'm not feeling it.
I'm feeling rather bluish-gray.
I'm not sure what prophetic significance that might have -- just feeling a bit bluish. and grayish.
The professor is gone - yet again -- at the behest of a contractor.
He's up in the frozen Tundra ... or where the frozen tundra will be in a few months. (Not Canada.) There was even a snowflake sighting last week.
He's the morning person of the family.
Him and the kids.
I don't like waking up to a complete list of demands ... like something to drink and food.
I prefer to wake up and just sit. at least for a few minutes. I know that sounds very selfish...
it's my blog....
....
They started it.
Still, that's not all there is to it. It really has nothing to do with kids and early mornings and late nights and --- the endless STUFF to do...
The blues started Friday before The Professor even left.
I'm not sure what's up in the atmosphere...something is afoot up there.....
I just haven't seen what it is...
Today is one of the worst blue-gray days.
Today, we were making cookies to take to church. Oh, these were good cookies, too.
Some how, a large glass measuring cup got knocked to the floor and it shattered.
EVERYWHERE.
there were even shards on the table.
I got a shard in my arm. it bounced so hard. Several pricked my foot and my ankle luckily, none stuck. Even more blessed - no child was hurt.
The cookie batter, for safety concerns was thrown out. I couldn't stomach (pun intended..get it, get it??) cooking them up and then wonder if any glass might have fallen into the bowl.
It's been a few days of early mornings, late nights, and lots and lots of mommy policing in between. Survival instincts are starting to kick in.
I'm tempted to get out the camo face paint and go into lock and lode battle mode ...
barricade the doors and all that...
but then I look around and realize, it can't be THAT bad -- they're all still living.
And other than treading softy around the battle ready mom, they seem well-adjusted.
I still have hope.
I still believe that the atmosphere will shift. That the blue-gray haze will blow away ... it has to because it can't stay. I'm the boss.
I have hope.
And for that I'm glad.
Otherwise, I'd be found blowing spit bubbles in the corner.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
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