Sunday, September 27, 2009

Not feeling it...

Your Primary Mood Color is Yellow

You are a enthusiastic and cheerful soul. You have a real zest for life.

You have as many troubles as anyone else, but you believe it's important to have a sunny outlook.

Life is what you make of it, and you strive to make your life as awesome as possible.

You believe in happy endings. You are willing to put your a lot on the line in hopes that things will work out.

I agree with this -- that Generally speaking -- I have a yellow disposition.
Which is odd, because I never owned anything yellow until recently.
Yellow is the color of, among other things, the color of hope and joy.

Today I'm not feeling it.

I'm feeling rather bluish-gray.
I'm not sure what prophetic significance that might have -- just feeling a bit bluish. and grayish.

The professor is gone - yet again -- at the behest of a contractor.
He's up in the frozen Tundra ... or where the frozen tundra will be in a few months. (Not Canada.) There was even a snowflake sighting last week.

He's the morning person of the family.
Him and the kids.
I don't like waking up to a complete list of demands ... like something to drink and food.

I prefer to wake up and just sit. at least for a few minutes. I know that sounds very selfish...
it's my blog....


They started it.

Still, that's not all there is to it. It really has nothing to do with kids and early mornings and late nights and --- the endless STUFF to do...

The blues started Friday before The Professor even left.
I'm not sure what's up in the atmosphere...something is afoot up there.....
I just haven't seen what it is...

Today is one of the worst blue-gray days.

Today, we were making cookies to take to church. Oh, these were good cookies, too.

Some how, a large glass measuring cup got knocked to the floor and it shattered.
there were even shards on the table.
I got a shard in my arm. it bounced so hard. Several pricked my foot and my ankle luckily, none stuck. Even more blessed - no child was hurt.

The cookie batter, for safety concerns was thrown out. I couldn't stomach (pun intended..get it, get it??) cooking them up and then wonder if any glass might have fallen into the bowl.

It's been a few days of early mornings, late nights, and lots and lots of mommy policing in between. Survival instincts are starting to kick in.

I'm tempted to get out the camo face paint and go into lock and lode battle mode ...
barricade the doors and all that...

but then I look around and realize, it can't be THAT bad -- they're all still living.
And other than treading softy around the battle ready mom, they seem well-adjusted.

I still have hope.

I still believe that the atmosphere will shift. That the blue-gray haze will blow away ... it has to because it can't stay. I'm the boss.

I have hope.
And for that I'm glad.

Otherwise, I'd be found blowing spit bubbles in the corner.


Katidids said...

Oh Hon I feel for you! I remember those days when he was gone so much. Feels like you have the respondsibility of the world on your sholders! My best advise (for what its worth) is...keep the established routines. I found that when the warden let the rules slip the inmates started pushing at the gates. They need that reasurance that all is well & normal in their world. If your ok, they will be too. Any one you know that could come for an hour or 2 once a week? Even if you just slipped out for coffee at micky D's its a refreshing break for you. You do deserve it you know!

TobyBo said...

hugs from your friend who knows yellow is your color.

hang on. The Son reigns and the sun will be back.