Well Equipped

I had this post in the back of my mind .... then today I realized it's February. And I planned this out DAYS ago!!! I'm so surprised that time has gone by so quickly... What I thought was a few days has turned into a few weeks. Gah!!


So today I was looking something up - and remembered - "Oh, Hey! I have a blog!"

One day, J-man told me that he wanted to do something. 
He didn't want to play with his people.
He didn't want to  play any games..

"Well .. what DO you want to do?"

"Well, I dunno." (Shrug) (Sheepish grin)

"You want to clean your room?"
 
"No." 

They never do.

"What I want," he said, "is maybe, I dunno, go outside (Shrug) and swing...and talk about stuff."

"That's what you want to do?"

Big blue eyes look at me, "Yeah." He grins. "You have a mouth and a hiney."

I laughed. 

I'm well equipped.


We went outside in our unseasonably warm weather - and we talked about stuff.

 It was good. 

 
 

There be Dragons....

Okay - so sometimes I remember to throw in the extra stuff that's more fun than it is important. Except that we're still having problems saying our "r's" around here....

It's getting better - but there are times of speed talking that an interpreter is needed.

Or a babel fish.

A tic-tac-toe game with J-man led to Mini-E's insistence that she get to play, too.

Except -- She cheats.

I kid you not.

Of course, she's also not very good at it. She's 5 and I'm still (mostly) smarter than a 5 year old. 

There was only one place to play, and she knew it. That one place for me to put my token and win the game... 

Except.. there was something in the way.

Her finger....and .... another tactic

"You can't play there mom..... It's scary."

She won by cute default. 

1000+

You know you've neglected your blog when you're Google Reader says you've got 1000+ unread items. Granted. 500 of those were from my brother-in-law's celebrity twitter postings. (He's twit-prolific).

I hadn't INTENTIONALLY neglected my blog - I just didn't have much to say.
November is now gone (that was my last post, you know.) And December is fading away.

If I were to make resolutions - I would make a bloggy one. I would resolve to blog those crazy moments that come so randomly and quick that they're gone in just moments.

Like today...our SINGLE oak tree has finally lost all its leaves.
EVERY. SINGLE. ONE!
It got down into the 20's during the nights here recently. That cold plus the wind probably helped clean the branches of their leaves. Of course, You'd never know it had been that cold if you judged  by the 65+ weather we had during the day. A nice warm breeze was blowing.

THere was extra energy in the house - it needed to be expended.

J-man has been asking for a job to do to earn a special toy (Of his choosing). So Today I had the brilliant idea to couple those ideas together.

I offered to pay the boys money to rake the leaves. Of course, I was going to help them with this endeavor. So we get it started...

we were ten minutes - TEN MINUTES - into the endeavor and J-man (who's seven) leans on the mini-van and tells me, "You know we're only doing this for money, right, Mom?"

Yeah.

I figured.  He made me laugh, bless his little mercenary heart.
He takes after his mommy.

The Perceptions of Others...

I've come to a place in my life, and it did take me quite a long time to get here, where I am seriously confident in who I am. 

There are times, though, and I admit it that my confidence can be shaken. 
Regarding my writing, it gets shaken a lot.
Regarding my self-image, I shake it myself.

Heh. Pun.

But I'm never sure what to do when I'm the topic of conversation. The perception of others is basically what people think of me. I am what I am. What you see is what you get. 

I don't have it all together but i certainly won't be smattering my issues all over you.

Unless you ask.

But ... The perceptions of others. 

It's almost like this .... standard.... which I have to achieve.

Like: happy all the time.
 --- I'm not. 

Witty 
  --- mostly. But sometimes i'm quite wit less.


confident
 --- not every moment of every day.


I'm never sure what to do with the wrong perceptions either..


I've been told I'm religious.
 -- I'm not. He meant I'm a person of faith - but he used the phrase religious because he misunderstood the meaning. But it still made me question where I might be walking in a religious mindset.


The perceptions that hurt the most are the ones from my kids, i think..


I've been told I'm fat. (I'm not skinny...but I prefer chubby to fat)


The other day I waxed poetic for a moment, wondering aloud if I could handle having a baby right now. (Writing about pregnant characters brings up some odd emotions, let me tell you) 


J-man said, "Why would she want another kid, she's always stressed out now."


He's 7. 


He's a meanie-head.


I'm not stressed out...but it's a phrase The Professor brings to the table when things are not smooth sailing. I know stress. This isn't it.


This is life with four world changers. Who are completely different personalities.
Who are often at odds with each other. 
Who are constantly having to be reminded to honor each other.
I see glimpses of this love and honor but we're not fully walking in it -- yet.


However, his perception hurt my feelings.
I don't like being the bad cop all the time. I don't like it when the Professor gets to come home from work all happy and cheerful, glad to be home, and I'm still the bad cop. 
It's not fair... and I realize that life is no fair...


but I find this perception of me just a bit concerning. Yes. Fine. I'll say it. It bothers me.


I don't want him growing up with only memories of me 'being stressed out' in his brain. 
I'm not sure what to do to counter it except to trust that God can and will deliver my children from my mistakes. 


In the meantime, I've found myself curiously introspective and watchful on how I react to things... 
I'm not sure much can be done.


I'm out numbered.

tricky mom...

School is underway yet again!!! 
but that is only one reason for my absence. 


I started playing a game before school started. In august when I was fighting the most incredible case of self-doubt I've had in a very long time. It's a fun game. Actually The Professor suggested we play together...


but that's not what I was going to tell you ...


I was teaching J-man and trying to figure out where the review will end for him and the actual hard-core learning begins. 


I told him amid the flood of stuff we were working on, "Wow! You're smart!"


He told me, "I know. It's because you tricked me when I was younger."


.
.
.


He did qualify it all - and explain what he meant - but it was hard to hear over how amused I was.

Vehicles...

Was driving last week with Mini-E, who I've taken to calling Kidlet #4 thanks to in-game chatter on LOTRO. It fits. She's #4. She's the youngest kid... hence Kidlet #4.

And "Thing 1" and "Thing 2" are taken. 

Because it does make sense - you'll have to forgive me if I accidentally change names here. I never really liked calling her Mini-E. She's such a huge personality and it was such a copy of "Mini-Me" (Which is  misnomer, really. Kidlet #4 looks more like me. But we didn't know that at the time...)

I had a reason for telling you this...


What was it?


Oh yeah. So It was the girls night at our Wednesday church.


I dropped Mini-Me off at the Youth building. (yes. Youth.) (Wow, huh?)


and it was just #4 and I in the car as we drove around the parking lot. She was noticing the cars that are just like our mini-van. 

Yup. It's pretty bland.

and she noticed the cars that are just like The Professor's car...

Then she said..


I like the Red shiny ones best. 


I had to smile. That's my girl.


Me, too, Kid. Me, too. 

Shiny. Very Shiny.

Talk of Marriage...

J-man has a very unique talent. 
It's a talent to have something to talk about - at probably the most unlikely times. 
Invariably, this conversation is deep.

DEEP, I tell you. 
We've discussed his fear of death.
Heaven.
Salvation.
Video Games.
Life.
My hair.....


okay. Not all our conversations are deep. 


But you can see why I was a little trepidatious when he followed me to the bathroom (yes, you read that right) telling me he needed to talk to me. Privately. 


I had this little lurch in my heart. I asked myself, could I handle the question?  Would I fly off the handle? Would I answer incorrectly?


"Mom, do you think that one day some girl will want to marry me?"


.


.


.


I had two choices. I could go all serious. 
Or I could try levity. 

I tried both.


I blinked at him. 


Slowly... I told him...


No.


He stared at me and I smiled, "You're seven. You're not allowed to get married."


He laughed, his blue eyes lit up and the mood shifted.


"No, Mooooom. Later. when I'm grown up?"


"Yes. Someday some girl is going to LOVE being married to you."


He appeared dubious.


I nodded... "I promise."


I could have pointed out that Uncle Kick-butt finally got himself hitched -- but figured that was a conversation for another time. 


He smiled..he hugged me.


Sigh.


My little guy's a budding romantic.
To his future wife???


You're welcome.

Shoes....

Growing up, I had a border-line shoe fetish. I say border-line because I would buy cute shoes and then realize I really had no place to wear them and not buy more shoes for ... months. I'm still that way. I have a pair of flip-flops, a pair of tennis shoes (essentially, they're sneakers - because I *don't* play tennis) -- and those are the shoes I wear. And I only wear flip-flops because I can slip them on my feet and run into the library without the librarian snarl at me for being barefoot.

Small town America. Gotta love it. 

I was cleaning out my closet and discovered that I apparently have simple taste in shoes. I found three pairs of black shoes. All with the same heel height. They're a different, um, body type design but I laughed when I saw it. 

I apparently have classic taste when it comes to shoes. 

Part of the problem, though, and I say this in my own defense is that I've got flat feet and rolling ankles. So I can't wear things that are really flat or I'll be icing a body part at the end of the day. I used to!!! Not anymore. 

With my simple taste (I just need something to go with jeans!) and complex needs (support my ankles, please), Imagine me taking my daughter shoe shopping. 

Mini-Me HATES to shop. If there are too many choices and nothing is especially cute - or particularly pink - she really can't pick. 

Tennis shoes. She wants CUTE. She wants PINK. Those are not always available in a women's shoe. Other than say, Converse. 

So what's a mom to do?? 

I try to explain to her that really the tennis shoes she wears on a constant, daily basis should be expected to be dinged up and beat up. They don't necessarily have to be CUTE. 

Her: *frown* *sagging shoulders* 

What's a mom to do??

 Compromise. 

Yes, I have small hands. Shush.

You go for the bling. Shiny sparkles = CUTE shoes = Happy daughter.

The bonus came on the way home -- She talked to me...even telling me, "So it's your turn to start the conversation." 

Oh, and??

Her feet are bigger than mine.

Sweet little guy...

I kissed J-man good night the other night. He's seven now. I can't believe it. 7. Seven. It just seems hard to believe. 

Anyway - I kissed him goodnight. 

"Mom, do kisses rub off of your skin?"

"Not my kisses." Said I -- not knowing where this was going. Knowing J-man, it could be ANYwhere.

"No. I mean, do they stay on your skin?"

"Sure. These kind of kisses do because they touch your heart."

"I wish when you kissed that your heart grew bigger each time."

Of course, he was talking in the general sense of 'you'. I could see that -- it was a sweet thought? Our hearts can hold an infinite amount of love and his notion just caught my fancy.

He's such a sweet guy. 
I think he's could have a future in the greeting card business.

No lost dogs...

This was something fun J-man did. I was using up some old work sheets. We introduced the sound the letter 'h' makes. (Before you say anything about his age and reading - I don't want to hear it. He's right where he needs to be.) .... So I pulled these out because he likes to tape. He likes to be creative, too.

But, I wanted to know ....

"Why did you tape the dog to the corner there?"

His baby blue eyes looked at me with all sincerity, "I didn't want him to get lost." 

He's never been one to "leave a man behind". ^_^ 

It's cold outside...

I'm not going to sing to you. Though I could. I occasionally sound good, too. 
Singing or not - It's COLD outside. 

Normally that doesn't matter. I can run out, take the trash to the curb, come back and be fine. but it's COLD!!!! Like -- we were warmer than Anchorage on Wednesday -- cold. 

So I've been thinking that I could really go for some shoes I can just slip my feet into when I need to walk out to the curb. 

Then I remember that Mini-Me and J-man need boots. Then I think we'll just all go to the store. And then I realize that we can't go right THEN and ... I eventually .... forget.

Until the next time. 
It's annoying to have to put my shoes on, tie the laces just to walk 10 feet to the mail box. I'm normally barefoot.

no. 

I'm not normally this shallow.
 It's just the annoyance factor of it. It's COLD.


So. I was going to bite the nip outside and take the trash to the curb barefoot. 
Trash in hand, I head toward the door. And stop. G-man's snow boots are right there.


huh.


They look like they. might. just. work. 


I angle my foot next to the boot. Sure enough. They're long enough. 


I give it the ol' college, save my toes from freezing try and slide my foot in the top.


It slides right in. 


Voila!!! 


I LAUGH!!! My 10 year old has snow boots that fit me.


Mini-Me and I wear the same size shoe. 


Now G-man. 


Of course, he wanted to see. So we put our feet together. Yep. They're the same length.


If kids were like dogs - and having to grow into their feet, I'd be in trouble.
As it is - I've got a 10 year old and and 12 year old who can both wear my shoes.


I'm going to be the short one in the family. 


I'm okay with it.


They can clean the cobwebs. And I get to borrow their boots to walk to the curb.

Do they have to?

Sometimes, I wonder why I teach the kids to think for themselves??

Sometimes, I can tell them something and they receive it at face value. I mean, it's not like I steer them wrong.
I give them an honest answer to the questions they ask.
Sarcasm may or may not be involved at times.
But this whole thinking for themselves thing??

Is it really important?? I mean, other than when they vote.

Or buy a car.

Or shoes.

Okay. So it's important.

Today three children were whining. I started to get onto them and then tried to wrap it all up with humor.

It went something like this:

Come On Guys!! Stop the whining!!
It's just .... You're going to make me start whining.
I hate whining. It makes me sound like such a baby (baby in my case meant wuss)....

Mini-Me sitting next to me said, "Isn't that kind of the point?"

I guess if I'm going to keep up with these thinking children, I'm going to have to stay on my toes.

but not literally.

Astute Observation...

Today. 
We vote. 

Did you hear that?

Let me tell you my story. A story where voting plays a MINOR role.

Even knowing I was going to Vote today, I'm am at the very beginning of NaNoWriMo, where the words add up. It's rather fun in a crazy sort of way. So I stayed up until 3am writing and today, the big kids had all their school work lined up for them, and they did it. 

On their own!!!

Without being asked!!!!

So I wrote. I let the little's play and I wrote. It was the best morning we've had in a long while...even if I was bleary-eyed. Always in the back of my mind is the fact that TODAY!! WE VOTE!!!


Somewhere in the morning, I decide that Mini-Me, who is now twelve, can stay with the kids and I'll take Bubbles with me to the polls. She is often a thorn in Mini-me's side, a bane to her very existence. So she gets her shoes at the first mention of leaving ... and nags me until we leave. 

She's excited to be leaving the house. Proving, I suppose, that I don't take her places very much.


She is the one, though, that threw herself to the ground... and ... well... It's all here. 

So there's a reason why I'm reluctant to take her places. At the church, she bounces among the elderly looking for the colored tiles in the floor. She bips and bops around looking at all things. I get my ballot and find a table on the FAR side of the room. A table with CHAIRS. 

Genius, no?


Marginally, it turned out.


She wanted to see under the tables. There was gum.


She wanted to see the other chairs at the other tables. The chairs that looked exactly like the ones we were using. 


She wanted to have a snack. She saw food on the counter.


A man put water in a water bottle at the sink. She wanted to wash her hands.


She wanted to look out the windows. 


She wanted to put her "I Voted" sticker on the ballot. NO! I wanted a valid ballot. Back away with the sticker. 


She bipped to the volunteer and returned their official voting pen and watched as I fed my ballot into the machine. We were number 336 in our district. 


Then we left. She wanted to throw away the paper from her sticker.


She declared that it was the best kind of day.


She danced in the parking lot and sang a song that she made up as she spun around in a circle. 


She kept up a constant chatter about stuff I can't recall. 


She noticed the house across the street.


She enjoyed that she got to sit in J-man's designated seat in the van.


She gleefully let me buckle her in.


I climb behind the wheel and she's HAPPY. Life is good. And she hasn't stopped talking.


We turn on Jason Mraz (I do not condone his politics...but Iike his music) and we sing the first notes of "Geek in the Pink" ...


"Hey, mom! Do you want to know what's funny?"


What???



"A joke."

 

I love how my mind works...

....Except when I don't.

...Or it doesn't. 

Work, that is.

I was having a face to face discussion with Bubbles, aka Mini-E. She's not quite so Mini any longer. She's going to be 5.

Five.

5.

4 + 1 

6 - 1

Five. Five. Five.

Hold up your hand with all fingers and thumb sticking out -- that many.

Five.

Watching her eyes twinkle and her face light up as she smiles, I reveled in her nearly five-ness. It was with a bit of a stun that I realized she'd gone through her 4 1/2 phase of life. Or at least she's passing it. 

I didn't notice it because she's always been my challenge of a child.

Today, I'm fairly certain she stuck her tongue out at me...though i couldn't be ABSOLUTELY certain. It was that faintest hint of doubt that saved her from a smack on the bum. That and I was in a really awesome story arc of a story no one will read.

If I had been absolutely certain, I'd have dropped the arc and gone for the swat. Promise.

She's just that kind of girl.

World Changer. Future leader. Future rabble-rouser. I don't know...but it's going to be awesome.

Miss Awesome-world-changing-rabble-rouser is going to be five in February. 

I got teary eyed. 

Seriously. 

Then I stopped to analyze WHY I was teary eyed and choked up. ("Seriously. There could be tears.") (Firefly reference FTW!!!!) 

Yes, I stopped my sweet moment with my nearly five year old to analyze. 

I've never been one to rue the passing of time. I do not get maudlin when the age passes. I do NOT miss the baby stage. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the walking and the falling down. I enjoyed the toothless laughter. I enjoyed the discoveries that they made.

But I will not miss it. 

I celebrate the milestones. Each and everyone. That's why I don't look back and get yearny. I'm thrilled that she's turning five. (In four months -give or take a few days - I know. I did the math.) But still...I celebrate that she's going to be five.

That is what brought me to tears. That's what choked me up. I know it is. I'm okay with that. 

All gooey in fact.

Of course, it might have been the fact that she survived to tell the tale.

Naaaaaahhhh...

So here's to milestones!!!

Huzzah!!!!

(here's to surviving the hardest child I've ever had to train!!!) (HUZZAH!!!)

(we're not done yet, either.) (...)

Siblings...

Do you suppose Cain and Able squabbled BEFORE that fateful day when Cain bashed Able over the head?? 

Oh... I love the part in that story where the God of all creation...the God who SEES EVERYTHING asked Cain, "Where's your brother?"

And Cain said.... like an idiot... "I'm supposed to keep up with him??" 

He HAD to know that God sees all...knows all. I mean.. Cain's DAD walked with God on a person to person -out for a stroll kind thing. Of all people... you'd think Cain would know not to trick God. 

Oh, well. That's not what I wanted to write about.

Today we hit a milestone in our schooling.

Besides the fact that we actually DID school... J-man and Bubbles know their vowels. It's been a long haul to get there. 

Our speech therapist has been wonderful explaining that J-man's hearing issues really did delay other areas of his life. I've felt like a failure for not teaching him the way the others could learn.

In fact, I prayed, actually prayed that Bubbles wouldn't learn to read before he did because J-man desperately wants to read. His brain just hasn't been processing things well.

However, the kid is rolling in math. He's acing and pushing. I may have him in first grade before the year is up. Phonics though -- So today was an encouragement to Me.

And to Him.

-----

I teach J-man and Bubbles at the same time when we do phonics. 

And I can't. Or at least there can be no sense of competition in what we do.

There is literally too much "I'm smarter than you." going on. 

No matter how much I explain that this is a wrong outlook - the competitiveness is still rampant. 

Even to the point that the seven year old told the ten year old "I'm superduper smart and you're just a little bit smart".

Sigh.

THIS IS NOT in ANY of the Homeschool how-to books. NONE.

Not that I've read them all .... but i can guarantee you it's not.

There is a lot of "It's my turn"...and..."No! It's my turn!!"

I'm trying to take it all in stride...but sometimes it's not easy. 

All the competition really boils down to the fact that I've got four leaders in my house. 

Four world changers.....

...and, as someone pointed out, they're learning how to deal with the world through their interactions with their siblings.

Great.

Look out world....

A little Daffy...

J-man loves to play act what he sees. He makes stuff up - he takes a character and runs with it. 

He's actually a lot like me.

When I was  younger, I put myself in movies. Or took the characters and made new scenes for them. 

I would have made an excellent fan fiction writer. And really, I'm not saying that just to say it. I just didn't know what Fan Fiction was back then. 

So when J-man takes something like "Zorro" or a "Jedi Knight" and makes it his own, I commiserate with him. It's good for his imagination. 

It was good for mine. I was rarely bored. 

Tonight he was taken in by "The Scarlett Pumpernickel" as played by Daffy Duck. Gotta love it.

Okay, I guess you DON'T.... but I do.

It's rather fun to identify with your kids, I think.

It just makes life fun.

He took The Scarlett Pumpernickel to his video game and before long I hear him voicing the characters..

The bad guy says: "Ha HA!!! I've got you now Scarlett ExtraNickel!!!!"

I love that kid.

Cute...

I can not possibly be the only one who does this.

Though. I might be.


I sat down to blog something that J-man said because it was perfect.
And then I forgot what it was he said.


Am I the only one??


Let me tell you what he said recently, you know, before I forget.

In the van, he tends to jabber. Talk. Discuss. Smack talk. When he's not playing that is. Or just watching the world pass by his window. Sunday though, he jabbered and jabbered and jabbered. 

"J-man," says I, "You have opinions about everything don't you?"
 "Yeah." he says slowly, "It's 'cause I'm smart."

He really is starting to remind me of my brother. Both of them fall into the "third child. Second boy" birth order. Uncle KickButt's motto was "Diplomacy is the art of getting people to do things YOUR way." J-man is starting to use his words.


I'm trying to convince him to use his words for good. 
Not smack talking or hurting his sibs.
I've got a long way to go. 
because he could be a personification for the word, "Wail". Oy. that boy can cry. Those big blue eyes well up and that lip pouts and.... he criiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiies. He's six. He'll out grow it. 

still.

So I was going to blog about the cute things said. Mini-me said, when she was watching her brother to make sure he didn't get away with something,  "I'm like a living alarm system with alarms."

Sitting at the computer, my mind went blank.

"Someone else said something cute. I know you did. Who was it and what did you say?"

*silence*

Bubbles, (who's four) came up and said, "I cute, mama." She batted those lashes and grinned.

Yes you are. She uses it to advantage.
This morning I was considering blogging about my memory loss (Before I forgot what I wanted to say) and realized....

Bubbles and Dot Warner have a lot in common.



Just sayin'.

Future builders?

Do you ever catch yourself wondering "Do I want this to show up on Google's search engine?". I just did. All because of the subject matter. 

Lego

Maybe one mention won't hurt...but when your kitchen table looks like this: 

I can't explain the monkey.  Not gonna try.

You can see why I worry about one mention being enough.

Anyway -- J-man built this:

His tower.

When he went to a sleep over with my mom, Bubbles decided that it needed to be remodeled. 

Eye of the beholder?

She remodeled it because he was gone...and she really really likes post-its. 

I mean...REALLY. 

So maybe if they should make a lego post-it??

I'd buy some.

I might even share.

Extra Yarn

Back in August, I said yes. 

Then being short, I wondered why. Because I couldn't quite step over the creation.

The boys used skeins of yarn to build a house wide spider web.

I should have given them lessons. they didn't make use of any of the door knobs. 

Oh, well.

The next day, they wanted to reuse the yarn. 

I left them with The Professor. J-man persuaded him to take a picture.

I'm fairly certain it's not for the faint of heart.

Behold:

spider web = HOURS of play time

I'm fairly certain this ranks right there with this event. Cleaning up was ... interesting to say the least. They had fun. Hours of entertainment.... that is priceless to me.

Age is relative?

This happened tonight....and I had to blog it.
That's right!!

Two blog posts in ONE DAY!! WOW.
I know. I'm impressed, too.

"J-man! Feed Jack." (this is my ploy to keep him from missing the fish that he fed at night. Otherwise the fish was ignored.)

"Where's the cat food?" J-man asked, looking from side to side and finding none.

"Whaddya mean, 'where's the cat food'?" I ask as I wrestly my way out of the very back of the couch to look for myself.
"Where *IS* the cat food?" I asked, looking from side to side over his shoulder.

"Probably," offered The Professor, "in the other room." (Where it's supposed to be, he didn't add.) (Nicely)

I retrieve the cat food and bring it back to find J-man and Jack nose to nose.

"Thank you, Senor." J-man said to me as he took hold of the cat food bag. Then he grins and you can hear it in the air, "I called you 'senor'."

"I heard you." I grin at the back of his head, "But I'm a 'senora' because I'm a mom, a wife, an old married lady."

The Professor grins and remains quiet. (Nicely)

J-man says, "Oh."

G-man frowns at me, but he's grinning, "You're not old, mom."

"I'm not? Then what am I?" I ask with a laugh, heading into the kitchen to get the grocery list.

"You're thirty-ssssssss......you're only in your thirties." He said.

I had to laugh..
"What happens when I'm in my 40's?" I asked him.

"I wouldn't know."

I laughed.
I wouldn't know either.