Friday, September 3, 2010

I've realized something...

I am quite willing to do an 'inner search' of myself. See? I'm a "what you see is what you get" kind of person with myself, too.

Sometimes, though, in those inner searches ... or quests for correction ... I find things that, really, aren't wrong. I am my own worst critic, after all.

However. Sometimes, when I look to see if 'the problem lies with me' the answer I find is yes.
I'm selfish.

And being selfish - I've come to the realization that homeschooling my children requires a level of selflessness that I am, currently, unable to give. And maintain. I might be able to give a day of it...but by the end of the day, I find myself struggling.

So -- while that revelation was poignant...and important... the other revelation was equally so.

I do not like to share the front seat.

Mini-Me is nearly twelve. AND she's passed the height/weight requirements by state law to allow her to ride in the front passenger seat.

In allowing her to do this, I have discovered I don't like sharing.

It's like a bubble of solitude has been burst whenever she's there. I have no time to readjust my thoughts adequately to prepare for the next level of whatever task we're undertaking. Whether it be at the store or at home.

I am unsure what to do about this ...sharing thing. Except to be honest with her. There have been times when I"ve had to be the bad-cop-referee-'no-they're-not-my-favorite'-I-wish-your-daddy-was-here-too-hate-your-sister-from-your-room" kind of mom and I just need time away from .... children type humans. So she'll grump and sit in her normal seat.

Then there are the times I let her sit in the passenger side and just swallow my child-sized-frustrations. (Let's say they are HUGE right now and very difficult to swallow) She likes being 'alone' in the front seat. Even though in a mini-van we're never really alone - but at least she acknowledges there's a separation. She'll talk and talk and talk.

Which makes me realize that she needs and enjoys the one on one time. That makes the frustrations go down easier.

The side-effect of this is, now from the back corner of the mini-van, I'm hearing G-man (who's propensity for whining is normal, so I've been told, but my goodness is it annoying!) whine erm tell me Um.. inquire. (yeah, that's it) why Mini-me gets to sit in the front seat and no one else does (Except the Professor.).

"Cause she can."

I think he gets a secret delight whenever I don't share my front seat sanctuary with her.

Yeah. Homeschooling requires an extra level of selflessness.

I'm working on it.

Maybe by the time they all graduate.


Mother Mayhem said...

Cackle. Sorry. Couldn't help it.

CrossView said...

Dang. I thought you were perfect. LOL! I could make a list but I won't. ;o)