I See You

When people tell me "It's good to see you!" after I've been away from them for a while, my heart wants to say "It's good to be SEEN!" Especially after that two week stretch when kids were sick and I was sick, or on those really difficult days of child training. It's just good to be seen.

Sometimes... I just need to know that it's good for others to see me.

One someone in particular.

In the movie “Avatar” they have a phrase they use to show honor to each other and the creation around them. “I See You” is used in a way to say that they see the importance of the one that they see. Whether or not they are killing for food or greeting a friend.

Now I preface my use of the movie example by saying that we won’t talk about the existentialism in this movie, just like people don’t talk about it in Star Wars. Just wanted to make that clear.

Because God used the phrase to minister to me. We had a few weeks. You know the kind. The weeks where nothing was going correct. We were sick, even though I prayed, we weren’t getting better - Which is UNUSUAL!

The Professor was having stress at work. There was stress at home. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. Did I have a confession on my lips that was creating more chaos? Instead of getting rid of it?

Then One day on Facebook someone I love and trust very much comes onto the chat feature and asks how I’m doing. I haven’t chatted with anyone in a long time, so it was a bit of surprise to have the chat window pop up and then to read what she had to tell me, I was even more surprised. And touched.

“You have been in my prayers throughout the night. I kept seeing your face, but you were smiling... a very peaceful smile. I would pray for you, for Doug and for your children and doze back off...

Then I would wake up.... I would say “Lord, do you want to talk or am I to war?” I heard war.... I saw you again, but you were smiling.... So, I warred that your peace would not be disturbed and the peace of God in your home would be ever present and the joy and peace of God would be ever rising up in Doug.... Doze off and woke up again... It was 6:37.....

I said, time to get up... anything significant about the time? I felt like Holy Spirit said Isaiah 63:7.”

So I used Bible Gateway and looked it up in the Amplified:  I will recount the loving-kindnesses of the Lord and the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, according to all that the Lord has bestowed on us, and the great goodness to the house of Israel, which He has granted them according to His mercy and according to the multitude of His loving-kindnesses.

We discussed my ears. At the time we had this chat, I had pressure in my ears. And couldn’t hear very well. I’ve not had pressure like that in a very long time.

She then told me something that could only have been Holy Spirit inspired: “Rehearse the goodness of God.... Rehearse Isaiah 63:7 LIke David rehearsed who God was and what God had done for him.. He had taken down the bear and the lion and He would take down Goliath! I believe this really is a key to your warfare and it is a rehearsing that will release that tightening (that is what I am seeing in the spirit, like a rope that is trying to squeeze you.. a tightening and you are saying What is this?”

She then proceeded to tell me that she saw me posting this. And I didn’t. Which might explain why I haven’t had a good blog post subject. And have been having problems with the plot of my story. I forgot to do what God’s voice said to do.

As I sat and pondered the conversation out of nowhere, I remembered the phrase from Avatar.

This conversation was God’s way of saying to me, “I see you.”

Amid it all - He sees me.
Sometimes, that’s all I need to hear.

As for rehearsing the Goodness of God as it says in Isaiah 63:7 - what is rehearsing? Going over and over and over again ...

How has God been good to me? What praiseworthy deeds has He done?

I looked the verse up in the Message Bible here’s the passage:

All the Things God Has Done That Need Praising
 7-9I’ll make a list of God’s gracious dealings,
   all the things God has done that need praising,
All the generous bounties of God,
   his great goodness to the family of Israel—
Compassion lavished,
   love extravagant.
He said, “Without question these are my people,
   children who would never betray me.”
So he became their Savior.
   In all their troubles,
   he was troubled, too.
He didn’t send someone else to help them.
   He did it himself, in person.
Out of his own love and pity
   he redeemed them.
He rescued them and carried them along
   for a long, long time.

I LOVE THIS!!!!
How simple this sounds!!!
Almost too easy - but sometimes we make God too difficult.

I’ll make a list of all the things God has done that need praising.

God is the God of creativity. I have finished two novels.
I have been giving the chance to learn basic dance steps.
He has given me a vision for both of these things.


He gives me songs to sing and sings over me.

Because of a VERY hurtful time about 3 years ago (And I mean because of..) God placed us in a position to receive from Him - to be propelled into a new season with Him.

I can not... Sincerely can not ... imagine what our lives might be now. I know I wouldn’t have been set free from a religious spirit.

He gave me the ability to dream again.

He makes my heart sing and my imagination soar.

He makes me Laugh. Which is helpful because He gave me this humor.

He speaks to me in my language. (A feat not everyone can do.)

I would be completely and utterly worthless if not for My King.

Isaiah 63:7 will be an important verse around the Laundry Pile for a long time.

Mood Ring Exploded...

Have you ever had one of those days where you think your mood ring (if you wore one) would explode?
I have high highs and low lows. David had the same kind of thing. The only way to turn it around is to change the way you think -- but in the depths of the low,
all the bushes around you contain contain an enemy.

Ninjas ready to strike.

When I'm in one of those moods - I also tend to be desirous to rant about the things that I wanted to rant about before.

Like people who made no effort to communicate with me (even though I tried) -- and yet still want to pretend there's a relationship. I actually have an easier time communicating with people who didn't pretend there was a relationship, than I do with those that did. (I know it's because I was more emotionally invested in the relationship. And therefore more let down when it was one sided.)

or the one constant -- I don't like fake people. They make me twitchy.

or that time  --- when that thing -- and ... yeah, you see where I'm going with this.

It can be an interesting ride.  It's probably a good thing I don't have a mood ring.

When these moods strike- platitudes are my enemy. The disdain I have for them is enormous. Grate on my teeth kind of annoyance.

Generally speaking, I am fairly optimistic, easy-going, kind of person. (note that I did not say stress free)
but there are just times -- when the glass is half empty.
or - horror of horrors - just a glass.

Coming out of a low place, though - makes me cherish and relish life and the randomness that God has given me.

I can completely relate to David's psalms..going from one extreme thought (They're coming to get me) to the other (he puts my enemies at my feet) ... You know what?? I enjoy that God knows where I am even in the lowest of the low places. Especially when they feel so damn solitary.

I'm a WYSIWYG person. What you see is what you get. Which includes the random blog post from somewhere lower than a high place...

Even so - I know.....

I KNOW -

there WILL be something beautiful come from it.

My Entry...

Our church has had several of us write about God's love for a 30 day devotional. I was supposed to write on for December 27th. At least, I think I was supposed to write one. I sort of half forgot. Which means, I sort of remembered but thought I had the wrong day. Again.

It was difficult to sit and think about the love of God. Honestly. I KNOW He loves me...that can not be denied. I. Just. Know. I feel Him...even in the oddest of times. Especially then, I guess I should say...

but Christmas was not exactly fun around here.
But my entry went with the song I posted yesterday.
So I thought I'd share it with you. ...

---------------------

Thinking about the love of God today. AFTER Christmas is over and done with, sounded a lot easier than trying to think about it DURING the holiday. Plumbing issues. Heater issues. Financial issues. Children issues. Not being able to have Christmas as we planned because my parents couldn't get to my house. I prayed hard to keep the family healthy for Christmas just to have sleet??

Bummer.
I definitely wasn't having a "Norman Rockwell" of a weekend.

It's only been today (Sunday) that things have leveled out. I tell you this to let you know - while I have JOY, life is not always peaches. Though, I wish it had been. What a weekend for things to be lousy.

Today, I was pondering -- "NOW - after all that - I have to write about God's love?"
I never doubt that He loves me - though sometimes I think He has a funny way of showing it.

As I'm asking Him about what and how -- but mostly WHAT -- to write, this song comes to mind.

"When I think about the Lord...."
Here's a link, if you want to listen to it.
SONG or you can check out the previous post.

The lyrics say:
When I Think about the Lord,
How He saved me, how He raised me,
how He filled me, with the Holy Ghost.
How He healed me, to the uttermost.

When I Think about the Lord,
how He picked me up and turned me around,
how He placed my feet on solid ground

Chorus*
It makes me wanna shout,
Hallelujah,
Thank you JESUS,
LORD, your worthy, of all the glory, and all the honor,
and all the praise... (Repeat*)

I love this song.
Even in the midst of the WHATEVERS of life - when we stop to think about the Lord..
our hearts turn toward love for Him.
We can't help but want to shout!

And as we stop and think, we start to realize (We look again!) and see just how much He's loved on us, even in the midst of the ... whatever.

For us - one of the God kisses evident was that when the outside fan on the heater blew its motor (Because of the icicles from the sleet), our emergency heat pump was able to pick up the slack - so we didn't freeze. It's still going to cost nearly $400 to fix - but God will supply our need....even if he has to pay off the MasterCard instead of the fix-it guy.

This song was my evident love from Him today...
because I desperately needed Him to sing over me.

May He sing over you a song for your heart.

He loves us so!

Christmas is coming!

Christmas is coming! Christmas is coming!!!
But I bet you already knew that.

Every day, the question is asked, "How long until Christmas?"
To J-man I tell him "Soon". He still doesn't understand the concept of "days/nights".

The bigger kids will immediately go to the calendar and count the days.
Or, in Mini-Me's case, just do the math.

I'm glad that it's coming. Honest.
But I don't necessarily feel all the chaos that goes with it. So this blog post might actually start to sound like a Christmas confessional.

I don't have any desire to sing Christmas songs - aside from the occasional "rudolph" because the clock sings it.

We were crazy busy right up to Thanksgiving. Part of it was that I was writing for the entire month. We were sick for about a week before. I didn't feel the urge to decorate. I still don't.
Once I get it up it feels like it's got to come right back down.

I have had more fun buying Christmas gifts, though. That has been a surprise. It hasn't been too difficult to buy for the kids. Mini-E, or Bubbles, Tells me she wants a princess, a cat toy and a mumble mumble toy. She wants two of those.

Part of my lack of enthusiasm comes from the crazy way life is swirling around. Stress at the professor's work. LOTS Of it. Eeking it's way home.
We're on a Constant busy here. And we don't go many places! It nearly seems unfair.
The dog. Don't get me started on the dog.
Did I tell you I had to take the hamster to the vet??

THE HAMSTER. Sigh.

I have joy unmeasurable, but not in decorating for Christmas.

The presents are on top of the piano. Waiting for the great unwrapping. There are no lights up anywhere...well, other than the lights that came with the house. And I'm okay with that.

Maybe this year, with only 11 days to go until Christmas, we'll keep things simple.

There's always next year. (insert gales of laughter here) Maybe next year we'll decorate when the stores do. November 1.

I don't want the shirt...

I had a favorite pastor once tell a short story.
It seemed that his wife noticed a car driving by that said "Chaplain" on the back.
She mentioned it to him and asked if he would get something like that for his truck.
He told her (and subsequently us) that the last thing he wanted people to know when he's driving was that he's a pastor.

I feel that way about mommy-ness.

I don't wear a lot of "Christian" tee shirts.
Firstly, I think they're really overrated. I would say cliched - but I don't mind most cliches.

I like the clever ones.
I wish they could all be clever instead of .... well, lame.

Mostly - I don't think I want advertise that I'm-such-a-devout-christian-that-I'll-wear-this-t-shirt-to-prove-it! That's just asking for trouble, in my opinion.

Invariably, one of the kids *WILL* push my button. Or stomp on that already frayed nerve and..

I'll snap.

Talk harshly.
Or swat a bottom.
Or even stomp my foot.
There have been those times when they seemed to gang up on me. ... and decided to ignore everything I said..but the need for the product outweighed the urge to go home and send them to bed.

If I could hand out a flyer to any passerby at my moment of frustration, i think it would say something like "Please forgive this woman. You don't know what they've done. The many loads of laundry caused by the many potty accidents. The many fits thrown in a day. The sibling fist fights. Hissy fits. She's truly trying her best. Please do not think harshly."

There are two types of observers...
The Non-christians who judge me by how they perceive I should act.
And the Religious Pharisees - who thinks I'm not living up to the letter of the law.

It irks me...because if I could tell the non-Christian anything it would be -- "I'm so far from perfect -- but Jesus loves me."

If I could tell the religious person anything they wouldn't hear it.

Sigh.

There is a third observer - the mom, dad or grandmother that's been there and has the scars to prove it. You can never tell if they fit into a category.

One time I got kicked in the nose by one of my own kids, and had to slam the door shut before I really lost my temper. The lady looked at me quickly and looked away quickly. You just know she's a mom.

I don't put things on the back of my van that proclaim my belief in Jesus, cause I know I'll cut someone off in traffic and push them further from the truth.

I won't wear "Jesus Gear" on any normal type of day - because I know I'll mess up.

I'm not perfect. I never claimed to be perfect. I'm a mess.

And that's why even in the midst of the messes - it's not the t-shirt I'm wearing, it's whether or not my light is shining through.

It's whether or not I can take my mess and let God turn it into something amazing for His glory.

That's the hard part of it all.
Knowing that God loves me - even when I mess up - and is willing to take me again back out into the world and give me another shot.

I'm glad he never gives up on me...especially when I do.

That's the hard part.

It would make a good t-shirt.
I'd wear that one.

Unexpected treasures...

We had to go to our W*l-M*rt on Thursday.
I have come to hate this store. Typically they are poorly stocked, understaffed and often They don't have what I need. They are just five minutes away where as everything else is over 20 minutes away. So proximity wins.

Often, I compromise on a purchase -- or change my plans all together.

Thursday was a bit of surprise. The bathrooms weren't working.

BUT we found pull-on pants for the boys. Denim-y ones. They don't like buttons/snaps. So all elastic was a benefit.

The kids, while I was checking out went to sit at the tables of the restaurant franchise housed near-by. After paying for my store purchases, I went and purchased a large drink to pay for the table space they used. I broke a larger bill and pocketed my change.

On the way out of the store, J-man said "Look mom! A band!"

I looked quickly, because I can't look for very long crossing the crosswalk, Bubbles might make a run for it. There's one worker smoking - and another person sitting with his things. One of the things that J-man saw was a guitar case. I knew in that quick glance that he was traveling - and most likely homeless. But when I turned back to watch where I was going - I saw the vision of the money in my pocket. Specifically a $5 & the 2 -$1.

God tends to talk to me in pictures. So I pondered this for a bit of time while I load up the van. I could have saved myself some time by just turning around on the spot - but I wanted to make sure I was hearing/seeing from God before I moved. So I asked for confirmation while I was loading the groceries and the kids were haggling over their new gloves. (We bought some while we could. They out grew the ones from last season.)

When I couldn't get the picture out of my head, I knew it was God. So I looked and sure, enough - I had the $7. I told Mini-Me what I needed to do - and she took control of the van and I went quickly the few feet to the young man.

I'm not naive enough to doubt that the haze I saw in his eyes was probably drug related - but I'm hopeful enough that it was sleep deprivation. When I approached, he was reading - which tickled me. I was wondering what I was going to say... but should have known it wouldn't have mattered.

I said, "Hi!"

He smiled at me. He had two piercings - it's funny what you notice. He had bright, if hazy, blue eyes, sandy hair and a great smile.

God has said "if you open your mouth - I will fill it."

He did.

I started my sentence and God finished it.
"When I was walking by a minute ago God said to give you ... lunch money."

He perked up and looked at me with a great big smile and his eyes got big - "Seriously?"

I smiled and laughed, "Yeah. Seriously."

He took the $7 and said, "Wow! Thanks! God bless you."

I just smiled at him and told him to "be blessed" (which was lame!) - but I had 4 kids in the van.

But really -- God already blessed me. Just with that moment.

If I hadn't had broken the $20 - I wouldn't have had the $7 for lunch money.
And I wouldn't have been able to bless him in a way that probably impacted that guitar player in a way I'll never know.

The enemy would tell me that I didn't tell him about Jesus...but I did. By simply telling him that God saw his need --- and sent me to give it.

AND I got to talk to Mini-Me about doing what God says - and not wonder why.

Yes, he was homeless - and wisdom would say not to give to every hard-luck harry on the street -- but that's why we need Holy Spirit to instruct.

And when we get that nudge to break a $20 at Subway - we might just should go ahead and do it. You never know what "band" is waiting outside the store in need of lunch money.

Atmospheric Pressures...

I wrote yesterday that I knew that what my problem was. I knew it was atmospheric.
I even went so far as to ask if there was a full moon. :-)
There wasn't -- but I was still right.

I know ... no...that's not right..

I KNOW

That I can handle things, kids, life while The Professor's gone. It's a good thing, too, because he'll be gone again in October.

I know that I miss him because he does so much around the house. He's the one that keeps my grounded when my thoughts and daydreams keep my head in the clouds. He's the one that listens to my deepest thoughts when things are not going my way. He remembers to make drinks for the kids. He remembers to clean out the sink ... he'll clean out the cat box.

And while I miss him -- my life does not end when he's gone. I am capable.

Most of the time. Most of the time I meet his absence with a determination.

Friday, the blues started. I don't know what else to call it - except maybe a low pressure system hovered over my house. The kids felt it, too.

Sunday it all culminated...all to keep me from church. Seriously. It almost worked.
I could have had church here in the house.

God really isn't bound by a building... but I had a divine appointment. And I decided to press on.

I worshipped my heart out. I praised. I shouted. I rejoiced. My kids had fun. (They were still wired at 10:30pm.) In those actions, the atmosphere shifted. Holy Spirit blew some clouds away and this morning, things are different.

The low pressure system that pushed on me has lifted. It had to go. It really did - and I don't know why it was here in the first place -- EXCEPT, to steal my joy, to make me dread the week ahead, to make me opt out of going to church, to ruin my day, to rob me of time with my kids, to put chinks in my relationships... it was one heck of a low pressure system.

I heard someone say today, "....Then Faith starts to rise up - and you realize that you've just come through something..and you start to worship from that new place."

I liked that.
It ministered to me.
I feel like that. I feel like that today -- that all of what has happened since Friday -- the challenges, the oppression, the challenges...it was all part of "something".

I just came out of 'something' -- and my faith is rising up new
and all is well with my world.

I like the following video.
It really does show how clouds keep moving - the wind keeps blowing - the earth keeps spinning. Even the worst of storms pass over.

And the calmest part of the storm is in the center of the eye. -- but that's another topic for another day.



This whole atmosphere thing - it could preach.
I know several others have preached and taught on it..

for me - I'm glad that it's a new week.
I'm glad that things are yellow again. :-)

Not feeling it...

Your Primary Mood Color is Yellow

You are a enthusiastic and cheerful soul. You have a real zest for life. You have as many troubles as anyone else, but you believe it's important to have a sunny outlook. Life is what you make of it, and you strive to make your life as awesome as possible. You believe in happy endings. You are willing to put your a lot on the line in hopes that things will work out.

What's Your Primary Mood Color?

Blogthings: Cheaper Than a Therapist

I agree with this -- that Generally speaking -- I have a yellow disposition.
Which is odd, because I never owned anything yellow until recently.
Yellow is the color of, among other things, the color of hope and joy.

Today I'm not feeling it.

I'm feeling rather bluish-gray.
I'm not sure what prophetic significance that might have -- just feeling a bit bluish. and grayish.

The professor is gone - yet again -- at the behest of a contractor.
He's up in the frozen Tundra ... or where the frozen tundra will be in a few months. (Not Canada.) There was even a snowflake sighting last week.

He's the morning person of the family.
Him and the kids.
I don't like waking up to a complete list of demands ... like something to drink and food.

I prefer to wake up and just sit. at least for a few minutes. I know that sounds very selfish...
it's my blog....

....

They started it.


Still, that's not all there is to it. It really has nothing to do with kids and early mornings and late nights and --- the endless STUFF to do...

The blues started Friday before The Professor even left.
I'm not sure what's up in the atmosphere...something is afoot up there.....
I just haven't seen what it is...

Today is one of the worst blue-gray days.

Today, we were making cookies to take to church. Oh, these were good cookies, too.

Some how, a large glass measuring cup got knocked to the floor and it shattered.
EVERYWHERE.
there were even shards on the table.
I got a shard in my arm. it bounced so hard. Several pricked my foot and my ankle luckily, none stuck. Even more blessed - no child was hurt.

The cookie batter, for safety concerns was thrown out. I couldn't stomach (pun intended..get it, get it??) cooking them up and then wonder if any glass might have fallen into the bowl.

It's been a few days of early mornings, late nights, and lots and lots of mommy policing in between. Survival instincts are starting to kick in.

I'm tempted to get out the camo face paint and go into lock and lode battle mode ...
barricade the doors and all that...

but then I look around and realize, it can't be THAT bad -- they're all still living.
And other than treading softy around the battle ready mom, they seem well-adjusted.

I still have hope.

I still believe that the atmosphere will shift. That the blue-gray haze will blow away ... it has to because it can't stay. I'm the boss.

I have hope.
And for that I'm glad.

Otherwise, I'd be found blowing spit bubbles in the corner.

Let it Rain!!!

Rain has been on my mind for some time now. We had many, many days of rain not that long ago and everywhere I turned people were complaining about the rain. Don't get me wrong, I understand where they are coming from and I'm not issuing any sort of condemnation toward them. Then we had no rain. LOTS of humidity but no rain.

Today it's raining. I'm very grateful. There are lots of cracks in the dirt around the tree -- the ground is thirsty and I was going to have to water. (I often turn the sprinkler and then forget to turn it off)

Here in this state, we tend to get lots and lots of rain suddenly - and then nothing. Well, I guess humidity is something. A muggy, sticky something.

When people complain about the rain, I remind them they'll be wishing for rain in July and August. They don't always want to hear that - but sometimes it provides a perspective shift.

I really love the rain.

A few years ago, our state was in a very dry season. Actually a drought made up of about 2 or three years of not enough rain.
The church I was attending was also in the midst of a very dry season.

I have learned that often, what is happening in the physical, what-we-can-see-with-our-eyes, realm is often indicative of what is happening in the spirit realm.

So I was praying one day, as many people were, for rain. Thinking about how they can both be tied together. So I was asking for both Physical rain and spiritual rain.
We needed both so desperately.

Holy Spirit very clearly said, "People don't want it, because it will mess up their schedules."

I sat back and said "Ooooooooo ". It was a very big thought.

In the church - how often do we sit there with our programs and want God to fit inside them?

In the world, it's the same way. We only want rain when we want it.

It was then that I decided that I wanted the rain.
Any time - any place ...

because the alternative was (and is) -- drought.

Physical and spiritual drought.

We have to be willing to let Him rain on us....because sometimes He will interfere with OUR plans. our agendas. Our schedules.

I love the rain.
And now you know why.

Hope - for His Glory

This concept of Hope has gripped me like no other thing has...or at least not lately.

Hope.

I have an amazing upright cabinet grand piano. It was left in one of my grandmother's rent houses when I was a kid, and it was given to me. Because I had no piano and my cousins did (just to explain why I got it instead of any one else).

I got him when I was 10 or 12. I can't remember which. I took a few lessons and then quit. I didn't like counting and my teacher wanted me to count. I liked it better if I could play like "This" ...let's hold this note out instead. Shorten this one...

Sigh. I ended up quitting - and she ended up going to college. She's my cousin, by the way.

Let me back up just a skosh. The man who came to tune the piano when we first got it - is a genius. He never learned to play by note - he learned to play by following around a piano tuner. He watched the piano tuner play and learned the intervals. He also had (and still does) have a love for player pianos. His heart's desire is to have a museum.

My Piano Man, like many geniuses, is very quirky. He's often late. He's often broke. But he's always a genius when it comes to tuning.

He tuned the piano up to and right after The Professor and I got married. After the Professor and I got married, he traveled up to us (an hour drive) and even replaced the "ivory" on the keys. They look great.

Then we had babies and we moved. And I heard that my Piano Man had moved out of state.
I was busy with babies. And then, When I did play, they wanted to pound, too. That didn't quite work out well. Pounding on something over 100 years old isn't very nice. and it's hard to play along when that happens.

The cover stayed shut on the piano for far too long.

A couple of times, I would venture a phone call to a piano tuner and would get the same message. The same, "Well, if it's that old ... "

Then I went in to the music store to buy a tambourine. They had pianos. I sat down at a grand and tried not to drool. I had to have my piano tuned. It was time. I called a guy that advertised himself as a piano restorer. Great!!

He took a look at my piano and came up with a shopping list of things that were wrong with Him.
Hmph.
I wanted my Piano Man back. He KNOWS my piano's SOUL. I called his mom just to see if he was in the state. He was. :-)

I got in touch -- and he told me that he would love to come out. We talked.
He told me about a fall on the ice that he had that had wrecked some discs in his neck causing his hands to go numb. While listening to this story, my heart was moved.

Piano Man's passion is playing the piano. Not to be able to play?
Holy Spirit quoted, "He was moved with compassion and healed them."

We set a time. We were disconnected when his phone went dead.
I was excited.
He didn't show. I tried calling - but couldn't get through.
He called me.

We set another time.
He came out.
He looked at Maestro, for that is his name, and determined him to be in excellent shape for his age. He had some spare parts in his garage from restoring old pianos. Maestro would be good to go.

He told me again about his neck. I told him, "I've been wanting to pray over you."
My big kids and I gathered around him and prayed.
We decreed life!
The presence of God fell on him. He could feel the warmth of the healing touch.
I'm just giggly with God.
We got to a point where it was good to stop praying and he went back to work.
He told Mini-Me, that he and the piano might just be healed at the same time.
*giggle*

HOPE!!!!

Late,r as we chatted about family, He would flex his fingers. Move his shoulders, Testing the motion. I watched, fully expecting him to be healed. I believe it was God's timing that this all took place - because it's about Hope. and Hope for HIS glory.

He brought the spare parts today -- and some glue.
He told me that he was doing some work over the weekend and could feel his tools in his hands, where before he could not.

*Squeal of glee*

We prayed over him again. Decreed a finisher's anointing that he would be completely healed.
God spoke a word over him -- a word of HOPE!

It is such a sweet, sweet thing, this hope.

It's HOPE --- all for His glory.
Hope to draw people unto Himself.
Hope - just so He can show Himself faithful and true.
Hope - because, I really think, He likes to show off.

Hope.
I am sooo thankful for Grace, but I'm beginning to cherish Hope.
Because today in my living room, God gave my Piano Man Hope.

Hope and the color Yellow

When she's not blogging about her deep love of words and thoughts, her wonderful kids, or even spinning the world and making me dizzy, Toby at CarpeBanana is dreaming.

She had one dream not that long ago that has latched on to me in such a way, I know that Holy Spirit was talking to her, and through her - to me.

In this post back in February, Toby wrote the following:

I woke up from a dream about how no one wears yellow. What's wrong with yellow? So I actually had to dig around in a box in the basement with clothes saved for messy jobs to get out my yellow sweatshirt.

I remember looking at that and thinking that's a weird thing to remember from a dream. The wording of it got me. I began to wonder what yellow stands for prophetically. So I got out my color resource. From the list I had of the prophetic significance of yellow, three things popped out at me, hope, joy, light.

Really, though, it's hope that has stuck with me. Yellow symbolizes Hope.

She woke up from her dream wondering why no one wears yellow any more.
No one wears yellow because they are hopeless.

She went and put on her yellow sweatshirt. I think that is significant. She got up and made a choice. She put on her yellow, she put on hope.

Whenever I see people wearing yellow, I want to tell them "You're wearing hope."

Now, yellow is also the color that signifies light. Light pierces the darkness.

At church, we lit candles as a prophetic act of God's light reclaiming what has been stolen.
With the lights dimmed, I looked at that flame in the tiny candle. My heart reached out in wonder and Holy Spirit reminded me of Toby's dream.

Hope.

It's not a simple thing.
Hope is powerful.
It can bring life.
It can set captives free.
It can urge warriors to fight.

There are those that don't have that hope.
Even among believers, who have THE Hope.
What happens if we have no hope?
The antonyms of the word say it best: despair, disbelief, and discouragement.
Hope is optimism. If you have no optimism, life is bleak.

If we haven't hope in this current season in life, we are going to be pretty pitiful when God wants us to be powerful.

Do you have hope??
Are you wearing it so others can see it?
Are you willing to share?

Each of our worlds look different. Some would call it our sphere of influence -- but that's where we carry our hope.
We must share our hope ...
We must be willing to speak life.
To decree freedom.
Because that's what we're called to do. And we can't do it, if we have no hope.

Thinking stuff....

I've been thinking lately.

I feel much like Pooh, who's immortal bear wisdom said, "Think, Think, Think."
Grab some tea, I wanna think aloud.

Think, think, think

I've been thinking about the word "Nurture".
Which -- has a dictionary Definition of feeding, teaching, clothing, housing ...
I once wanted to argue with my neighbor who claimed that she was "raising the neighbor boy". She was really complaining that he was spending sooo much time hanging out at her house.
Entertaining is not nurturing.

I've been wondering if I have been nurturing enough to my kids.
I talked it out with my mom a bit -- my heart's desire IS to nurture...it's to teach them, train them and send them off to be the History Makers they were meant to be. Truth be told, I wanna go, too - but that's another blog post entirely.

But in the midst of a day there is so much going on - teaching school, teaching life, teaching that it's really NOT okay to punch your brother in the face and then not expect him to try to scratch you. And certainly don't tell me that you were justified in hitting him AGAIN. (those days also don't make much blogging fun)

And it's not okay to take a toy from a sibling -- Run to ME -- and then lay on said toy.
All I see is "guilty party".

It's the midst of the training of the controlled attitude (Even when I'm so frustrated I could bite nails) ...

How can you really know you're nurturing??

Someone said I was kind.
I sort of nervously laughed tonight- they haven't seen me on a bad day with the kids.

Nurture.
It's a powerful word.

A lack of nurture can lead to bondage... Talk about pressure.

~~~ think, think, think ~~~

Have you ever wondered what Freedom looks like??

God sets us free. He wants to set us free. He REALLY wants to see us free.
But what does it look like??

Can you see the chains piled on the ground? Sometimes you can physically see the countenance lighten and see the chin lift or the shoulder unslump..

but where does the real freedom lie -- in the heart.

How does a heart express freedom??

God showed me that my heart is learning to dance.

~~~ Think, Think, Think ~~~

There's a song called "How He loves us" ... I've posted it here before..it's on youtube.
(I heart youtube.)
In the song is the phrase--

"He is jealous for me"

Have you ever thought about it?
"He is jealous for me"
Jealous goes beyond wanting me for Himself -- which He does. Bible Says that "He is a Jealous God."
Another definition: Jealous: solicitous or vigilant in maintaining or guarding something

He is Jealous for me.
He is vigilant in maintaining and guarding my destiny.
He is vigilant in maintaining and guarding me.

No matter what emotions I may have --
no matter what the world tells me - and the world has been lying LOTS lately --
no matter what storms may come...

He is Jealous for me.
He is vigilant in maintaining and guarding ..... me.
It gives the verse "He'll never leave me or forsake me" a new depth.
He won't leave because He's God --- but he's vigilant in maintaining and guarding ... me.

That makes Him a Hero.

~~~ think, think, think ~~~

Have you ever had your head so full of thoughts, you imagined you'd be 10 pounds lighter if you'd write it all down??

I wonder if the bathroom scale can measure brain waves?
Hmmm...

I think not.

Doin' some weeding..

Anyone know what this is?

I don't, but it nearly took over my flower bed.

Two Sundays ago, Mini-Me wanted to ride her bike and/orRollerblades. I don't like to let the kids out in the front by themselves, especially to ride in the street, so I decided it was perfect time to weed the flower bed. It's on the side of the house and easily ignored. I thought the neighbors might appreciate the sprucing.
Besides, whatever that plant is, was really taking over the flower bed. Nearly smothering out the marigolds that we had planted.

I don't remember planting anything that said "Ground Cover" or "Borg-like tendencies" (you know, to take over and conquer. 'you will be assimilated'.) It was really funny. It had so many little sucker roots on it that I'm not sure I got it all. We'll see.

As I sat there and pulled this "weed" from the flower bed, I had this huge joke in my head. I just thought how funny it would be to blog about the flower bed in it's current state. Then talk about the fact that it's been neglected because of the tomatoes. (Only partly true. I told you, we can't see it unless we walk around to it.) So the blog would be a funny post about unfaithful.

Or so I thought.

The Holy Spirit started to show me the spiritual significance of the weeds. How neglecting the flower bed for the tomatoes created a messy flower bed and other unforeseen entanglements.

Spiritually, I put my fingers in my ears.
I wasn't sure I wanted to hear this. Even if it could preach.

Holy Spirit is a gentlemen, He stopped talking. I"m pretty sure He was standing there smiling at me. I could just tell.

I already knew what He was talking about. I just didn't want to hear it about ME.
I was thinking GENERICALLY. Not personally.

When we neglect one thing - for another - no matter how important that 'other' may be, weeds might grow up. *Sigh* That could preach. *whimper*

It took me a bit before I went back to revisit the conversation. What if He talked about Blogging?? What would I do then??

I did learned something, though.

God can turn a lesson out of anything, but you've got to be willing to listen.

To pull out the weeds, you've got to get your fingers dirty.

Once the weeds took over, some of the marigolds were choked. I'm not sure they're going to make it, even after the weeds were pulled, and they were set free.

All it all, it was a good experience. I kind of laugh about it now. I know Holy Spirit is, I think He finds me amusing.

Even as amusing as I am, I'm on the look out for weeds. I don't want good plants choked out because of weeds that might sprout up when I'm not looking.

Partly Sunny...

One day, I headed out to the Library. From my corner, I could see the sun behind a layer of clouds. It was really cool. I had my camera in my purse but didn't take a picture. I headed to the Library an thought, I should really take a picture. So I did. From the Library's parking lot. It wasn't as great a shot as if I'd done the picture taking from my corner -- but to me it was good enough.

It doesn't really show up in the picture but when I looked at the cloud covered sun, it still hurt my eyes, the sun was still brightly shining from behind the clouds. I realize that it could have been my astigmatism and light sensitivity. I'm okay with that -- but the Holy Spirit really began speaking to me about this. There are spiritual aspects to this picture.

The clouds could be considered adversity. The trials of life, no matter what they are to us (family, finances, health, life in general) they are trying to cover us up. To over come us.

The light we have because of Jesus and the Holy Spirit in us, still shines bright. And the Clouds of adversity can not quite overtake us. They can not quite cover up the light that shines from us.

Now, then, the other spiritual lesson. The on-looker. Looking at us through the clouds of adversity. Because, we know, sometimes life and adversities are apparent and evident to the outside world. (And "they" are looking to see how we handle them.)

So to the on-looker, I want my light to shine THROUGH the clouds...for them to see. That no matter what life might hand me, my light can not be quenched. That my light will still pierce the clouds and shine through.

If nothing else, that the light would shine so bright as to hurt their eyes, and all the on-looker remembers is how bright the light was and not how dark the clouds were.

Updates from the Depth of the Laundry Pile

It's been a crazy couple of weeks. I wish I could say that it was because we were finishing up with school - but we weren't and we aren't. We shall be schoolin' over the summer.

Here are a few things that have kept me busy.

Shaggy:
We honestly were beginning to be concerned that we'd made a mistake in adopting him. We ended up taking him to the vet the second day we had him because he wouldn't open one eye. The vet was very nice and gave him eye drops to numb the pain. Gave me eye drops to take home. I could actually see the nick on his cornea. It was creepy.

The eye not-withstanding, he was mopey. Seriously. I would look at him and just feel sad. He wouldn't eat. He wouldn't play. He WOULD tell us when he had to go outside and let us know when he wanted back in.

The funny part was when visitors came by he would come alive. He would bounce all over them. He would wag his tail and bark and just be HAPPY. Then the visitors would go away and he was mopey again.

I should have taken a picture of him in his mopey state because that, thank God, has all changed. Nearly two weeks of him living with us and he is a different dog. He's happy and bouncy and occasionally he barks. He even wants to make friends with Her Highness, Maggie-the-cat. She is not interested.

The Professor put in a pet door in the wall so that Shaggy could go in and out at will. It has been fantastic. It's great to see Shaggy up and dog-like. A depressed dog is just a very sad thing.

School Work and Kids:
I've been trying to keep on top of things with school work and kids. It doesn't leave a lot of time for blogging. Right now, I'm ignoring the piles of laundry in order to change my blog entry. We're in a very tough season. The littles are growing mentally and testing every boundary I know of and some I didn't.

We're still behind in school work but plodding along. We are finishing up with MFW and studying about the states. We're looking forward to learning about cultures and countries next year. We haven't been doing the science that goes with it. I'm considering doing something extra - like a unit study - sometime this summer on the weather and the body. It should be interesting. I envision a giant mobile hanging from the ceiling fan in each kids' room filled with weather symbols.

G is reading more and more and he gets excited about it. I even have a plan for working more on his phonics. Each work sheet has practice on it that is also covered in the lesson plan. If I eliminate some of the lessony part and teach off of the worksheet he gets practice. AND he gets one-on-one mommy time. Which he absolutely loves. I can't wait to test it out again.

Me:
I'm not quite so comfy in my denims and I'm counting the calories until I am. :-) So far so good. Today is day 2. I've also been revisiting the Chronicles of Narnia. I really really liked the Dawn Treader (the 3rd book to feature the Pevensies and the follow up to Prince Caspian). We saw the movie Prince Caspian. It's a great follow up to the movie - but it's not the book. *L* The actor that played Miraz was EXCELLENT! And I totally loved the Aslan References they threw in the movie, since they weren't following the book.

I've been a bit bloggy-blah. Not sure what to blog about because it's not been ground breaking news or earthshaking funny. When you're spending all your energy on other stuff, though, bloggy-stuff should naturally fall to the way-side.

I was a bit shocked to realize that it is soon to be June. (it's big because my b-day is on the 1st - that's another post for another time.) I lightly lamented to The Professor (lightly because I only lightly meant it) that time was passing me by too fast and I wasn't going to learn the guitar or get anything written down. He was so sweet - and he meant it fully - that I was focusing on teaching the kids and that was the most important part of my job right now.

AWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Melt my heart, why don't ya?


Conclusion:
When you're doing what you're supposed to be doing - the rest of the "stuff" just kind of doesn't seem important.

Bunny feet and other notes...

The professor likes his Reese's Cups frozen.
Apparently, he likes his bunny feet frozen, too.

at least, we don't have to sneak up on him.

In other news, I thought about panicking the other day...when I realized it was March 17th.
And now it's March 24th. The month is almost over!
I had things I wanted to do before the year is up. While I realize that the year has many days left in it, I still wanted to be further along.
I wanted to get further along with our school work and March is almost over!
I probably need to sit down and figure out a plan.
I'd like to get school work finished in June so we can take advantage of the pool this year. Without school hanging over our heads.

I'm already pushing past the review stuff in our books and focusing on the new things to learn.
It can be done. It's just a bit of a shock to think that March is almost over!
Schoolwork should be winding down, not winding up!!

Along with school work, I need to accomplish two things on a personal level.
1) Learn guitar basics. The professor and the kids got me a DVD lesson for Christmas about 3 years ago and I haven't had time to make use of them yet. Surprisingly, the guitar is still in really good tune.

2) Finish writing my story. I wish I could just tip my head and all the thoughts and visual pictures would pour out onto the page. Alas. I need to put fingers to keyboard or pen to paper.

Still it's hard not to think that March is almost over.

It won't do any good to think of the time that's already gone
but only to think of the time that I have to use.

It's all in a name...

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. This is one of those "This could preach" moments. An object lesson, if you will. I've been thinking about the "preach" factor.

And it all started with a pair of shoes.

I stumbled across my tie-dyed Airwalks at Payless. (The Crocs knockoffs) They were me. I really enjoy them for what they were made for -- to wear when I don't want to tie my shoes. Or when I need to scurry out of the house. My mother-in-law has informed me that the Airwalks are nothing compared to the actual Crocs. I'm sure others feel the same way - but mine are tie-dyed! (I certainly didn't buy them because they were pretty. I bought them because they were quirky!)

I've had a few curious comments about them. Several people who have seen my shoes think they are wild. I have to admit, I would call them clown shoes. Anyone who owns a pair of these things has to admit that they are shaped a lot like clown shoes. So that's what I called them. I would ask the kids if they had seen my clown shoes and they knew exactly what I was searching for.

Of course, they had probably seen them last. Did you know that these kind of shoes make great rocket ships for action figures? They also make great boats for different action figures.

It's no wonder I can only find one most of the time. The other one has set sail.

One day, while shoe-shopping with the kids, Mini-Me found something called Jibbitz. Her shoes are hot pink and she found a flower that looked great with her shoes. I found a Gonzo Jibbitz.

I didn't buy it right away. I thought about it - and decided that it really would look good on one of my tie-dye shoes. I've always liked Gonzo. He was the one that I always felt I was most like. (Either him or Fozzie Bear) I even took a blog-things quiz to see which muppet I was most like - and came up with Gonzo. I was highly amused.

On our next trip to the shoe store (we were actually buying webkinz) I bought the Gonzo Jibbitz and put it on my shoe.
Suddenly, they were not "clown shoes" any more. They were my "Gonzo Shoes". Even the kids started calling them Gonzo shoes. Did that make them any less weird? No. But their identity had changed.

I started reflecting on this fact and thought about renaming.

The world renames things in the pursuit of Political Correctness (another rant for another time) - but the Lord of All renames in the pursuit of VICTORY!

the world would name some as victims, God would renames us Victorious!

God would take us out from under our circumstances, out from under the weather and put us on top and call us "Over-comers". He would calls us the Head and not the tail. He would call us Above and not beneath.

God renames us because He sees us as we will be - not as we are currently.

What about circumstances?
I realized that circumstances can be renamed by one simple act - the act of praising.
Circumstances can be renamed by realizing that we might be going through a refining process, a sifting process or a molding process. And all we really need to do is say "God, whatever is in me that needs to come out - let it come out." With that realization comes a peace that we get to not struggle on the potter's wheel.

I don't think sickness falls into this category - as I believe sickness is not of God. But sickness can be renamed. Cancer can be called "Cursed at the root!" and sickness can be called "Covered in the blood of Christ!"

Of course, my kids are a major part of my day and my life. I love them. Can they be annoying? Yes. They can also be re-named - in my eyes and heart.
They can go from annoying to "arrows in the Lord's hands".
They can go from whiny - to conquerors in the Lord.
They can be taught of the Lord and great will be their composure and peace.

I'm looking around and I really want a spiritual label gun. I want to stick new labels on everything. I think, as I clean things up around the house, it's time to evaluate Old labels that have been on things. It's time to rethink their names.

If it can work for shoes -- there's not telling what a new name is going to do for the rest of the house.

It all boils down to this...

Have you ever had a moment with God?... One moment that seems to spark something within you that makes everything else pale in comparison? even blogging.

A moment with God that makes everything else ... common place .... mundane?

That's where I am. I have a sense of Destiny - a sense of God... a hunger for the Holy that is making everything else seem .... common place...

So as I sort this out and try to get my brain around it I realize that this could preach. I'm sure others have already preached on it, too.

The opposite of common place is "holy". Being Holy means being set apart. It's so easy to say that we're set apart - and only think in the legal sense. Being "legal" gives into legalism and religion. We're looking good on the outside - but on the inside we're really not set apart. We're acting an act. We look the part and still surrender to the things of the world.

We're supposed to be Holy as the Lord is Holy.
We're supposed to be set apart because of Jesus in us.
We're supposed to be Holy - set apart - so that the World notices the difference. If the world is going to notice any difference -- what is to take place?

I think that's where this holy hunger has come from.
That moment with God that has made things seem common place... because God is not a common god -- He is a Holy God. And yet He wants to have a relationship with me.

If He wants that relationship with me (and the key word is relationship) then don't I need to be Holy? Here the search begins...the search to understand. The search to feed this hunger.

I want to find Him.
Because He wants to be found.

Moment of Maudlin

I was sitting with J-man in my lap. I had to sit down because he wanted me to be with him. And he turned and said "Love you, mommy".

I cried and squished him in a hug saying "I love you, too, Bubby."

That moment, that time, they were the sweetest words I had ever heard. He'd been saying it before - typically at night while trying to stay awake and not sleep. For some reason, at that moment, completely unsolicited, those three words were the sweetest words ever.

In a comment on a previous post, Sprittibee had said "Don't you wish they could stay young forever?" I was thinking of that just now as I typed. But as I typed my post, thinking of those very sweet words, came the whisper that overrode my thoughts. ...

"Just imagine how your God feels when you tell Him, "I love you, Daddy," in the moment and completely unsolicited."

.

.

.

.

.

.

Crossing Over...

I think I'm finally crossing over to the otherside. The last few weeks have been filled with battles that I haven't faced in MONTHS.


I heard Beth Moore, in person, many months ago. She had prayed and asked God for a specific message for the specific conference of which I was in attendance. She had them put it up on the big - jumbo sized - Screen for all to see.


"You don't trust me in this."


But what I saw was "You Don't Trust Me." It quickened in my spirit and I realized that all my struggles about the season of life, about homeschooling, all the inadequacies I'd felt - all stemmed from a lack of trust. A lack of trust in the One Person who could get me through. How silly was that?


But it was true. After the end of the conference, I had a weapon to fight the battles. I was ready to face the school year, ready to face all those emotions - and they didn't come. Because I was ready. I had fought. I had the victory. I was an over comer!!


Until now.


Well, I'm still in victory, I'm still an over comer - but I started struggling with things I thought were dead. I started rehashing emotions that I thought were done away with. I've begun to read many things through my in-box that will help me keep getting the word in me - and as I was struggling with this new series of old hassles, the Holy Spirit kept reminding me of something I'd read. It was from an e-mail sent by the Spirit of Prophecy Bulletin.


Now understand, I read some of these and think, "Wow, God. Is that one for me?" Sometimes I'm just blessed and reminded at how much God loves me. This time, I had read the bulletin and forgot about it - but in the midst of the emotional struggles I face it kept popping back to mind. The First Sentence said:


Watch for the enemy to test you again in old places of defeat, which have recently become places of victory.


When I read it again, it sunk in.
Aha!
Revelation.

That's why it was all very familiar -- all the struggles, the frustrations, the emotions. After I identified what was going on I wasn't sure what to do. I felt like I had already lost so much ground. I had really given in to feelings of being forsaken, that my prayers were not reaching past the ceiling -- it was odd. So how do I get past all this? It was at the conference that God shouted at me through a jumbo-tron...

Church last Wednesday. The Pastor was teaching about the sufficiency of Grace. God gives us grace to go through the trials and circumstances of every day life. Pastor said, Sometimes He won't pull us directly out of the situation, sometimes He wants us to grow through the situation.


"He's more interested in developing your character, than He is in your deliverance."


Ugh.
NOT what I wanted to hear. I wanted a quick deliverance. I wanted this attack of the negative to be vanquished immediately.


Yes. I want to be spoiled. I don't want to go through anything..especially NOW. But it seems I'm going to - wellllll....

I guess I don't HAVE to - but really, not going through isn't an options. I know what lies behind. I don't like it. So I press on.


Pastor said, sometimes after "you've done all - to stand" and then he said "Sometimes you just feel like you're standing and standing."


So he gave us somethings to do while we stand.
It has taken me 3 days to post this --- so let me share the things to do while standing...
He prefaced his list by stating that "The enemy loves for trials to last a very long time - because he can get The Word out of us. He wants us to give up."

Press in harder than you've ever pressed on before. God intends for us to grow while we stand. Not just stand while we stand.

1. Rediscover God's Word. -- We tend to get away from God's word during trials...we need to get into it more than ever.

2. Have a prayer partner - a faith friend. Some one you can call on for prayer. He said, not just someone who will agree with you or grumble with you - but someone who will pray and agree scripturally.

3. Find good meetings and go and listen. If your church isn't meeting, find one that is.

4. Remember & be thankful for God's blessings & Grace. Remember all that God's blessings have brought you in the past - remember all that God has done in the past. Make a list - it won't be long before you're shouting 'Hallelujah'!

5. Pray the Word
Pray in the Spirit

6. Guard your thought life - watch your confessions of Faith

7. Refuse any and all offenses at this time - especially taking on the offenses of others.

8. Read & review timely prophesies given over you.

9. Read & Review tstimonies of others that have had the same situations and struggles as you. Sometimes we think we're the only ones facing a situation...but we're not.

10. Worship MORE

11. The enemy tells you to stop giving - so increase your giving.

12. Witness more for Jesus.

13. Give your testimony of what God has done/saved you from in the past.

14. Plan now to use this upcoming victory as a testimony.

The more I think on these things and follow through with them, the more I see forward motions.

The one thing that hit me tonight, though, in all of it - laying down my rights.
Quick!! Get the bandaids!!

Laying down my rights in those areas that I'm struggling in --
I have to lay down my rights .. I think the list would be too long here...

This is what I'm learning right now in the Laundry Pile School of all Things.
It may not be pretty -- but hopefully, when all is said and done, there will be fruit to show for it.