Monday, August 2, 2010

Dear Diary ... Or not.

Well now. I am absent for a while and Blogger changes things around. Ooo Shiny.

Wait. Easily distracted and new blogger features = a scattered blog post.

Oh, who am I kidding? If my blog posts are cohesive, it's a good day. :D

I haven't forgotten that I have a blog. I've just haven't been sure what to post about.
I've never been a person who can write, "Dear Diary...." and then pour out my heart. It always sounds bogus. I remember one diary entry where I was livid with my brothers and hoped my parents realized what jerks they were being and how put-upon I was.

My imaginations were ... laughable.

I know when my emotions have the better of me. Sometimes I can handle it and have the appropriate weapons at hand. Other times, I don't. This last month has been such a "don't" time. It was like being in a constant storm of pelting rain. Rain for all sides. An umbrella would have been useless. Hiding was pointless, because there was no place to hide from the storm.

Yet I tried.

finances are hard. The Professor's work is beyond stressful. The kids are all in difficult stages of life. We had a $1500 car bill. Then there's dentist appointments.Bills. Fear coming from all sides. Doubts.

Life has not been fun. Still.

One thing I can say, that even in the midst of it, I can still say God is God.

But it's been such a life that Blogging hasn't been much of an attraction. All I wanted to post was the sort of stuff that would start with "Dear Diary".

Like I said, I've not been fond of the "Dear Diary" form of venting for me.
Mostly because I feel silly doing it.

I did try a poem. It turned too melancholy, even for me.
It made me cry.

I could post about the lack of school work over the summer. I had plans. GREAT plans, I tell you!!!
Then we got to summer. We got to only one subject apiece for the big kids. Then I realized they were burning out. So We took a break. It was going to last a week. It's lasted for a month.

now I don't know when I want to start back up to school.
I've NEVER been one of those homeschool moms who claim that it will last forever. This year, I was tempted to put at least two kids in school. The Professor doesn't want to participate in the public schools. This is the first time in five years that he's said anything about it.

So we have our ABeka curriculum waiting for us to sort, unbind, and begin. I'm not sure I want to.

But. We keep going on.

I can't say that Facebook has kept me from blogging.
I've been writing fiction, though. And that tickles me to write. I never thought I could live without the outlet of my blog. It's rather amusing, to be honest. I haven't been quite sure what to share. And a writer does like to be read. Otherwise, what's the point?

2010 will go down in history as not a good year. Probably a transitional year. The professor is working on taking a major test for his career. I've been writing. The kids have been growing.

I remember being frustrated with the phases of life but at the same time I found joy in them. I am not sad that we're out of the baby stage of life. The fact that Bubbles will be 5 on her 2011 birthday does not bother me. I'm thrilled with it.

Mini-Me will be 12 in October.
G-man turned 10 in June.
J-man turned 6 in April.

Oh, and I turned 37 in June. If anyone is going to have a mid-life Crisis, it'd be me.
I have so much I want to do. I'll be glad to simply take all four kids to the store without having to chase someone down the aisle. Okay. Bubbles is not much fun to shop with. She tends to scream and pitch fits. in the store. or leaving the store. or going into the store. She isn't overly picky.

And she's frightened of automatic toilets.

I know life will get better.
There are promises God has given us. And since He is still God - those promises will take place.

The song I posted before, The "life is wonderful song" - came to me in the morning during all this. The chorus "lalalalalife is wonderful" played in my head. The more I listened to the song, the more I realized how much it was meant for me.

We are in a transition time. As tough as it is, we can rest assured that there will come an end.
We don't know what it looks like.
We don't know if we'll be moving.
We don't know if we'll still be homeschooling.
But it will be wonderful.


Halfmoon Girl said...

That's right, and God will be with you every step of the way!!! Sorry it's been hard. Hard is NOT fun. Who said we wanted to have to be serious and do hard things at age 37. I didn't check that box, did you???? Wait, did you check it for both of us? No, you wouldn't do that. (It is morning...I haven't eaten yet, except for steal a small sliver of the cake I packed for hubby's lunch, so I think I am experiencing a mini silly sugar rush). Seriously, sorry for all these things piling up on you. Glad you are maintaining your quirky sense of humour inspite it all.

Linda said...

well I'd say this is WAY better than anything you coulda wrote in a diary. you have such an incredible way of being gutt honest, describing life in it's truest form and making me laugh at a moment's notice.

oh and by the way:
"..and I turned 37 in June. If anyone is going to have a mid-life Crisis, it'd be me." -no comment! ;o)

Mother Mayhem said...

I'm glad that God is still GOD too. :o)

Melanie said...

I know of that which you write... And God is God and that is good. There may not be much else good but that is good.

jugglingpaynes said...

So, I really don't mean to laugh at your pain, but you reminded me of one time at the gym in the bathroom. An automatic toilet flushed in the stall next to mine and two little girls screamed like...well, little girls. Then it flushed again as they opened the door and they screamed again. I had to laugh. I'm sorry. :o)

Did I know you turned 37? I forget a lot in the whirlwind of my life lately. Seems like only last year you were 36. If I missed it, belated wishes to a wonderful person!

Peace and Laughter,

Dapoppins said...

did you do natural childbirth? If so, than you will remember what the transition phase of childbirth is like...

but after that comes the baby, so thats okay.

just sayin