Thursday, May 27, 2010

He Never Lets Go

I realize our struggles may not seem like much in the big scheme of life.

We have not had to bury a loved one before it was their time to go.
We have not been persecuted for our faith.
The Professor still has a job.
However, our struggles and our trials are just as real and affect us just as intensely.

We have been under attack since we celebrated Passover.
It's been one struggle after another.

Even though The Professor has a job, his supervisor is actively working to torment him. It's like watching Potiphar's wife wrongly accuse Joseph. (Yes. I can use that analogy because I KNOW my husband is a "Joseph" in his field.)

We've watched our cost of living expenses grow and them tell us that they can't give us pay raises because of the unstable economy. (they are making money.)

We've found ourselves severely isolated.

and growing more so. It's hard not to become insular when the world seems to be ignoring you.

I've had to battle for my thoughts like I've never had to fight before...
I've felt like the ground was shifting under my feet.
It feels like I'm going backward and having to fight things that are supposed to be dead.
Stress has been hard on our family.
Relationally.

It's been hard because I KNOW that we are Kingdom People.
With a King that has a very stable economy.
Yet. He seems very silent of late.

I had started dreaming again - and now it feels like I'm back on the shelf. With dormant or dead dreams.
Waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting.
Forgotten.

Again, I utter my disclaimer, Our struggles may not be considered huge to someone looking in...and that's fine. They are our struggles.

There's more...I could go on...but I won't. This season, since Passover,  is why the blog has been so very quiet. Writing, my best outlet, has been hard. Difficult to the point that It feels like a dying dream. Like my other dreams. It has been a struggle and I am weary.


Yesterday, I woke up with the chorus in my head "Oh, no - you never let go. Through the calm and through the storm..." "....You never let go of me"

So when I heard a song again - after weeks of silence - I appreciated it. I tipped my heart in, but refused to allow myself to go fully into the moment.

I am raw.

Last night was the celebration for the End of AWANA at our Wednesday night church. The kids have worked so hard on their books. Mostly by themselves - and they earned their badges.

What song do they sing as one of the three songs for worship before the ceremony?
The song that was whispered to me that morning.

I am so glad to hear it....So glad to have AbbaDaddy tell me, He never let go. Even though it felt like He had.




The struggles aren't over...Far from it.
It's nice to have a Kiss in the midst of it.

5 comments:

Classic MaMa said...

Yeah. I totally get it. We are there. Many of us are right there, right where you are. Know what I've realized? It's all in preparation for the leadership that's on you. When we have nothing else, we cling to Him.

Love you. I really, really do.

jugglingpaynes said...

Aw, Comfy, I'm adding to the love. I'm not sure what the Passover fuss is about, but I sure can understand your husband having a supervisor who causes struggles. Every May my husband gets crazed about his year end review and ends up distracted and making more mistakes, which of course lowers his evaluation and means no raise.

Hugs for you. If you need me, I'm here.

Peace and Laughter,
Cristina

TobyBo said...

sending care and prayers your way. (((Comfy)))

Vicki said...

(((HUGS)))

Dapoppins said...

right there with you. Tired of putting a good face on it. Tired of fighting. Tired of...loosing this battle.


Tired of saying...ME.


Good song. Gonna let i seep in a bit...