Pouring out my heart...

As you can tell by that last post, I was not in the most jolly of moods yesterday.

I cried a lot last night. It's amazing how just one thing can start the tears when you're in that kind of a melancholy. I talked to the Professor who was stuck at the airport in Chicago. He was encouraging and patient. He loves me and I'm glad.

The kids wanted to go to church. I would rather have stayed home.
But we went anyway. I sang the first song during the worship set. Then I just talked to God for the next two.

Then this song came up in the set. The first words had me in tears.
Here I am
Once again
I pour out my heart
For I know that you hear
Every cry
You are listening
No matter what state
My heart is in
You are faithful to answer

I think I made the lady next to me nervous because I just cried.
I was just so grateful to a God that will listen -- no matter what state my heart is in.

God wasn't done.
This morning, I logged on to Facebook and read the following from the JesusFreaks group...

RELATIONSHIPS(sovereign, promise-land and provisional)

I feel the body of Christ is groaning and mourning the loss of certain relationships. I keep running into people with stories of losing long time friendships and relationships, some are very obvious that God is removing some of these folks out of there lives and others not so obvious. The old relationships most of the time don’t produce much fruit but are comfortable. The new ones are uncomfortable but produce fruit.

Have we ever stopped to think about God’s perfect will for us, really? He has all the right people lined up to walk with us and in the right timing. Sometimes him removing us from relationships is him bringing us closer to himslef and further away from the world.

If you were to ask yourself about the relationships in your life right now, are they bringing you closer or further from or to the lord. I believe the lord is sifting our relationships to align us to those who will draw out the treasures within us.

• example- taking us further into sin. Speaking negatively about us. Someone in your life that has nothing good ever to say about you no fruit comes from that the lord is probably going to remove them from your life. This does not mean you wont run into them or even talk every now and again but the relationship will probably not be as it was.

I stopped reading right here.
Because this was exactly what was said in church on Sunday. Are those you are aligned with bringing you down ?? Or taking you higher?

Okay - you can continue reading if you want. or just skip to the end....

re•la•tion•ship
1: the state of being related or interrelated 2: the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as a: KINSHIP b: a specific instance or type of kinship 3 a: a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings b: a romantic or passionate attachment
1pro•vi•sion
1 a: the act or process of providing b: the fact or state of being prepared beforehand c: a measure taken beforehand to deal with a need or contingency : PREPARATION 2: a stock of needed materials or supplies ; especially : a stock of food —usually used in plural
1sov•er•eign
1 a: one possessing or held to possess sovereignty b: one that exercises supreme authority within a limited sphere c: an acknowledged leader : ARBITER2: any of various gold coins of the United Kingdom

Promise Land- the inheritance to the Israelites and God’s people.
Numbers 10:29-34
29 Now Moses said to Hobab son of Reuel the Midianite, Moses' father-in-law, "We are setting out for the place about which the LORD said, 'I will give it to you.' Come with us and we will treat you well, for the LORD has promised good things to Israel."
30 He answered, "No, I will not go; I am going back to my own land and my own people."
31 But Moses said, "Please do not leave us. You know where we should camp in the desert, and you can be our eyes. 32 If you come with us, we will share with you whatever good things the LORD gives us." (he was befriending him with compliments)
33 So they set out from the mountain of the LORD and traveled for three days. The ark of the covenant of the LORD went before them during those three days to find them a place to rest. 34 The cloud of the LORD was over them by day when they set out from the camp.
Moses needed Hobabs skills in the desert so he befriended him. This was a sovereign relationship,promiseland and provisional.
Judges 3:5-7
5 The Israelites lived among the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites. 6 They took their daughters in marriage and gave their own daughters to their sons, and served their gods.
Othniel
7 The Israelites did evil in the eyes of the LORD; they forgot the LORD their God and served the Baals and the Asherahs.
Relationships affect our faith. When we befriend those that do not know God it might lead us into literally becoming idolaters as in the above Scripture.

Moses lead the Isrealites into the desert but Joshua lead them into the Promiseland.

Moses- provisional relationship
Joshua- promiseland relationship
Jesus- ultimately the real promiseland relationship
blessings,cune
------------------====================+================-----------------

So I have to pause (pun intended) in marking the passing of time and relationships - simply because they might not be the best for ME and my family. Those, that are good will prevail - or return if they have gone away.

That's just the way it has to be.

In the meantime, Shaggy wears a cone.
I'll love on my Nina extra.
And continue on the course God has for our family...desiring God's best.

You're the best!
Thanks for listening!!!

Passing of time...

I present to you a brief recap of life in the laundry pile. I have been pondering the passage of time. What does it look like? I mean really?

Some things are inevitable as time passes - other things I have to simply wonder about.

* Shaggy the shih-tzu is still limping around the house. He alternatingly limps and gnaws on his front feet. They don't know what's wrong with him. One vet wants to do surgery. Another wants to wait. We liked the over all attitude of the second vet, so we're waiting. It will be a year since we've adopted him this summer. The passing of time has been that he's loved by all the kids and tolerated by the Professor.

* The Professor is travelling A LOT. Today he's on a plane returning home from Alaska. The week before that he was elected (Army style) to go to Missouri. The week before that he was in South Dakota. The weekend before that he was taking a test in Chicago. He'll need a nap some time about June. He's had to watch his time pass via trips.

* Today was the funeral of my step-grandfather. I treasured him and his life. Even though I did not get to know him as well as my cousins did. I loved him most because he treasured my Nina. They were married in '97. In May. The Professor and I were Married in July of that same year. Mom had requested that we not have a double wedding.

* Knowing that this is her second husband to bury, my thoughts were constantly remembering My grandmother. She used to come to our house and I would play (pretty slowly) and she would sing. We would sing ballads from the 30's and 40's. It's a treasure I will always have. As my other cousins got older and had kids, her visits with us and our family were fewer and fewer. I know it's simply because they did more things that she could watch. So as time has passed, I have cherished that memory.

* While time passes, it's hard not to notice it's mark in life. Sometimes is just seems like we suddenly stop and noitice that a lot of time has passed by. Marked by Friendships - some growing stronger, others fading away. Knowing which ones to let go is the hard part of marking time.

* Time passes in families, too. When I was a kid, there was always the effort to hang out with cousins and family. We always had a family get together. Now. Now that we're older with families of our own - the relationships are not there. They have their families and those families hang out - as is only natural.

* Sometimes I feel like I pass all my time in the Laundry Pile and should reach out to those relationships that had once been there. Sometimes it's hard to think of how much time has passed while we've been here without getting a bit melancholy. How many things have I let go by because I've been so involved in things without looking up? It's not possible to go back in time.

It's only possible to mark it's passing.

Free To Be Me..

The first line in this song is "at 20 years of age - I'm still looking for a dream"

I'm 35. I have a dream...

but the rest of this song fits.

Perfection is my enemy, too.
I often feel like I've nothing to bring...



God lets me be me.
I don't have to be my Mentor -- I don't have to be what other people think/want me to be. I certainly don't have to be what religion dictates.

With God, I'm free to be me.

I'm so very grateful!!!

The reason is....

Um... let me explain...

I was going to start dinner early, but when I was folding a bit of laundry, J-man said, "Mom would you play 'iniana jones on the wii with me?"

And I know I don't play that game well and I did try to talk him out of it. "Mommy doesn't do so well at that game. Are you sure you don't want to just talk or maybe read a book?" And he turned those big blue eyes at me and said, "We can talk while we play 'iniana jones'."

So I started playing Indiana Jones on the Wii with J-man. Then Uncle Kicks-butt texted to let me know that he was ready for me to harvest the cabbages on his farm on Farm Town on Facebook -- and I needed the farm town cash - so I hopped on and harvested the cabbages...and made about 10k in coins.

Then we went back to playing the game - and we had to have Mini-Me come help us with a few spots but we finally managed to get to that level. Then we quit because I had told him I needed to go start dinner -- so I went to the kitchen and saw the counter all nice and clean and remembered that I wanted to wash Mini-e's hair and get rid of the sticky she seems to randomly get in her hair. That didn't take long, really. but then she wanted a bath.

So I ran the bath water and added bubbles -- but the bath mat was still wet from yesterday and was beginning to REALLY stink so I had to wash it. To do that though, I had to cycle the laundry through. In the mean time, the boys wanted koolaid - but to get the koolaid made I had to wash the skillet that I had put to soak in the sink. Then I had to get Mini-E dressed because she really only wanted a 5-minute bath which is really just a waste of water, I know - but it made her happy.

*Deep breath*

And that's why you're home and I haven't started dinner yet.

Had to buy it.

It's the right length.
It's the right size.

and it's YELLOW!!!
I never thought I'd own anything yellow. I have an olive complexion that has faired out a bit. Growing up, I never looked good in yellow.

But I am so enthralled with hope - and the color of it that I kept an eye out for yellow. Not a pale, pasty yellow, either.

When I saw this -- I had to have it.

And I'm very glad!
Just seeing the yellow reflect in the window of the van this morning made me smile.